The Circle
by lollex1
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would be happening to the gang if Valentine had called off the attack on the Accords? If Jocelyn had told Valentine she was pregnant with her second child and then died after childbirth? Who would the child be most like? Jocelyn/ Luke and Stephen/ Valentine parabatai, Rated T for language and descriptive situations. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

"**I hereby render unconditional obedience for the Circle and its principles…I will be ready to risk my life at any time for the Circle, in order to preserve the purity of the bloodlines of Idris, and for the mortal world with whose safety we are charged."**

I recited the promise for the first time, not meaning one word. I didn't believe in any of this, you would have to be crazy to, but my father doesn't know that. It took months of planning and pretending to worship the same beliefs as my father, but I am exactly where I wanted to be. Exactly where _we_ planned me to be at this point. I wonder what my life would be like if I believed in what my father does…good thing I don't.

Looking around at these people and noticing their postures and seeing how stick straight they were sitting, and I automatically mimic them. I see a face with a pair of light amber eyes smirk at me as I move. I quickly look away and hope nobody else noticed me. It would be out of character of me and I _had_ to keep up this ridiculous façade.

My father, Valentine Morgenstern, was leading the meeting about hunting down a local werewolf pack tomorrow night. I know he would never allow me to take part, that's what protective fathers are supposed to do right? Too bad Valentine was a sorry excuse for a father. I hated him. I _loathed_ him. He killed everything that would have been important to me, before I was even born.

My mother, bless her soul, left me a diary before I was born. She hid it in the shed, where my father never went into. I went in there one day to hide from him and I found it. I opened the diary and I saw sloppy handwriting with a picture of a beautiful woman that looked more like me now then me when I found it. There were obvious differences between the picture and myself, like my broad shoulders and my jaw line. Those were Valentine's features, and I would give anything for him to _not_ be my father. Life could be so unfair sometimes.

As my father explains it, my mother died in childbirth and Jonathon, my older brother, died shortly after falling into the lake behind our manor and getting caught in the current. Though my mother did die during childbirth (or around the time of my birth, I can never be sure) with me, my brother did not in fact fall into a lake and drown. He was killed. My father murdered him. My father is an evil man and I don't trust him. My mother didn't either, but she couldn't get away after Jonathan was killed.

I had been nine years old when I found her diary, and I haven't trusted Valentine since. He was a monster and absolutely _no one_ sitting in this room agreed with me. I don't trust any of them, but I would rather die than tell them that. They all knew exactly how to kill me easily, and they would. The thought _terrified_ me, and if I messed the plan up even the slightest bit I could die, and all of this would have been for nothing.

Turning 17 had been the first step in our plan. The age that Valentine considered to be an adult, but to the Counsel turning 18 is to be considered an adult. The earlier the better for Valentine, there was even a 16-year-old sitting across from me with dark, black eyes. She was beautiful, and she was a Lightwood.

Isabelle Lightwood, hateful and conceited from a young age. Yes, she was definitely perfect for the Circle. She looked exactly like her mother, if only her eyes held the same crystal blue color. Her older brother Alec sat beside her with those beautiful blue eyes. If only they had escaped Valentine, but that would have been impossible now. My mom escaped, but it had cost her her entire life and future. Jonathan escaped too, but he didn't receive a choice in the matter.

I grew up learning that in life there was only one choice: to kill or be killed. It's a miracle I didn't end up Valentine's pawn like all of these poor unfortunate souls. Acting as his pawn means that I have to speak properly and act older than my years. It means that I have to go along with everything my father says and believes in. I have to sit aside and go along with all of it, even the deaths. When they go out for the hunt, they kill _people_. They believe they are killing things, but I know the truth.

There are a few sitting here that have been here since birth and would rather die than betray Valentine. It is those few I feel most hopeless towards. The remaining have been here for as long as they have believed Valentine's lies. Some have been here since the beginning of the Circle, back before my mother, Jocelyn, had died. I sometimes like to believe that a few of these individuals would turn on him if given the option. It is this belief that keeps me going and gives me hope.

"Seraphina, would you like to join the hunt tomorrow night?" asked the boy who noticed me fixing my posture earlier. This is the part where I act as Valentine's pawn, because out of everyone in this room I am the one he trusts most. I mean who wouldn't trust their teenage daughter who hates their guts?

"Pardon me, but I am not allowed to join the hunt until I am of age," I said in the most monotone voice I could manage. I would have burst out laughing at the irony if my life wasn't in danger. I hated this, every single second of this stupid meeting.

He smiled a tight smile at me and his eyes twinkled, clearly amused at my discomfort. I smiled right back at him as small as I possible could. I wasn't about to mess up the plan now. Not for a pair of illuminating tawny eyes, at least. He then proceeded to turn to Valentine and give him a questioning look. I could tell he was confused by my relationship with my father and me.

"I know Jonathan, you were sixteen when you first joined the hunt, but Seraphina here has never been to a meeting before tonight. She is simply not ready," Valentine spoke clearly and loudly so that the whole room could hear his excuse for my safety. It really was ridiculous how he would put other children in danger, but not his own. Well just me really, he put my brother in danger when he killed him.

Maybe I remind him of Jocelyn, I do look a lot like her. Thank God for that one. I wonder whom my brother looked most like? I would guess my father, but it would have been nice to share my ginger locks with someone else. Valentine must want to protect me from the same fate as my mother, but I pray everyday that our fates are similar. I want the chance to live freely and justly. This isn't just or free.

_As the meeting went on I began to remember those memories I had been forced to shove down into my head. I couldn't think about some of them or I would break down. I began to zone out throughout the talk about the hunt and some memories can't be put down for long. _


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: it came to my attention that I messed up when I was writing this. So I redid it and I'm sorry!**_

_7 years ago_

_My name is Seraphina Morgenstern and I am the daughter of one of the most powerful men in Europe. Well Idris, because I know little to nothing about the mortal world. Besides the times when I was allowed to do anything on my birthday and I would go to the globe, spin it, and then randomly point to a location. Next week is my tenth birthday and I haven't planned yet where I want to go. I hope it is somewhere completely different than the other places: London, Beijing, New York, Mexico City, Seoul, and Paris. We would stay at the Institutes and I met other Shadowhunters and I have always enjoyed my birthday. I've seen so many things and I hope that I get to see so much more in my life. _

_My birthday is the best day of the year. Every other day I am training, and as I grow older training in longer and harder. Half of my days are spent inside the library with my father. I read book after book, language after language, and learn rune after rune. Runes, the language of heaven, are my specialty. As my father told me, I was to be his greatest warrior. When my mother was pregnant with me he fed her the blood of the angel and I am stronger than any other Shadowhunter. _

_When I'm older my arms will be decorated with runes for all different purposes. _Angelic power, strength of the Angel, precision, stamina, recall, agility, sight, the rune of tongue, speed, and soundlessness._ I have learned to control the pain of the stele. My father keeps a journal of the special runes I show him. There are so many, and I'm not allowed to use any of them during training. Father tells me I am too powerful for my own good, maybe he's right. _

_I learned from a young age to never grow attached to anyone or anything. Like my family, you could never count on anyone beside yourself. My mother died and left my father and me when I was baby. How could a mother leave her child? Father explains it as confusion and to the mundanes "depression." I never understood it, but maybe someday I will. I doubt it though, like I doubt everything he tells me about her. She doesn't sound like she cared enough about me to stick around. _

_My father trains me well, I could possibly even be considered an adult in the eyes of other Shadowhunters, but I am too small. I am just a girl, with freckles and fiery red hair. My father tells me I look like my mother more and more everyday. It brings me no comfort, because I don't want to be anything like my mother. She abandoned me because of a human emotion. The nephilim are more than human, we have responsibilities and we can't simply die because of something so human. _

_Today was no different; I was to meet my father in the study at dawn. It took me years to train myself to wake up at the same time everyday. All Shadowhunters are meant to be ready for battle at a moments notice and be available at any time of night or day._

_When I approached the door of my father's study I heard him arguing with someone. I looked into the room and it stopped as soon as he noticed me. "Seraphina go to your room and I'll meet when I'm done here," he sounded angry._

_I nodded and left the room hastily. I knew what this meant though; he was going to punish me for eavesdropping. There would be no pretending I heard nothing, even if that is exactly what I heard. _

_I left the manor to find a place in the woods to escape his wrath. Sometimes I ran away until he calmed down and he wasn't as hard on me; but other times his anger was much, much worse. I decided to run because I hoped he wouldn't be as hard on me. _

_In the woods there are many creatures that I have to be careful of. From my studies I learn all about werewolves, vampires, warlocks, nixies, peris, ifrits, vampires, merolk, pixies, kelpies, elves, nymphs, and pucas. My father also teaches me from his own experiences about how dangerous downworlders can be. I'm afraid of them, but at the moment I trust them more than my father. _

_I started running when I heard footsteps and leaves crunching. I automatically pulled me hand to my weapons belt and grabbed my dagger. I ran until I couldn't breathe. When I slowed down I heard nothing but the birds chirping away. I giggled at their innocence. I would give anything to be a bird. They are such free creatures. My father had two ravens, named Hugin and Munin. Hugin stays at the London Institute with the Herondales; Hugin is very fond of Stephen Herondale, my father's parabatai. Munin is now Hodge Starkweather's responsibility. Father didn't like the birds around me in case I got too attached to them. It worked; those birds were cruel and could attack on command. They were ruthless creatures and I'm happy I never had to learn to tame them. My father tamed them and they will always be _his_ animals. Those ravens remind me that anything can be trained to be magnificent, depending on the trainer. They are magnificent creatures and I do not think I could ever train something as well as my father has._

_I looked forward and I saw a small shed. It was beautiful and small. It was in a good condition and I suddenly got the feeling that it wasn't really there. As if I could see it, but no one else could. There were flowers, or well herbs. Salvia sclarea was present, which was weird because Idris was not the ideal place to grow this herb or any of the herbs really. The other herbs were jasmine, bergamot, and silverweed. I recognized them from my studies and the books in the library all had sections on these plants. But the weirdest thing about this shed was that it looked perfect. As if someone was tending to it, and that's what drug me the door, where I turned the handle. It opened with ease and I took a whiff of the scent and it was breathtaking. A strawberry aroma filled the air and I loved it, every bit of it. I never wanted to leave. _

_I looked around the room and noticed the desk next to the windows. There was a small, clear vase set on the desk. It held some of the salvia sclarea with water. I wondered what the person would want with the shed and I started to open drawers when I came across a book. No, not a book, a journal. I opened the cover and there was a name, Jocelyn Morgenstern. _

_I froze and I looked out the window to make no one was near the shed. I didn't see anyone but there were so many things in the forest that I decided it would be safer to close the door than leave it open. I didn't feel scared in the shed nor did I feel alone. I felt safe, and I wasn't about to leave any time soon. _

_I opened to the first entry, only to be surprised by the inscription on the first page:_

_To my daughter, if you have found this safe house then you are ready. You are ready to read what I have written, but please before you continue make sure you know that you are on a dangerous mission. One I had never dared try. If you are ready to read this, then continue but if there is any reason for you to doubt anything, don't continue. Trust me daughter; I would have never left you if I had been given the choice. I did everything I could before it was my time to go. He trusts you more than anyone darling, and you are his arrow whether he knows it or not. _

**Present Day**

I wonder now looking around this room, before Valentine finally tells everyone to go home, if I had never found that shed if I would be anything like me. I suppose not. It's nice to know I'm nothing like my father, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just _his_ no matter what choices I make or what I say. I will always be considered Valentine's daughter. I hated it, and I hated him. But I will try my damn hardest to be Jocelyn's daughter. I owe her so much; she gave up her life to me. I remember myself almost ten years old staring at my mother's handwriting for the first time, at how lost I must have looked. It took minutes, maybe hours, for me to get the courage to open that first page. Curiosity for this woman I didn't know, for everything in the inscription, and for the way when she read _he trusts you_ made me automatically think of my father. I knew every back then that he trusted me more than everyone, but I used to trust him too. Now I don't and I never will again. He ruined that, he crushed it as he crushed my brother's neck and killed him.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this besides the plot, review and let me know if you want me to keep writing please!**_

**Seraphina POV**

I remember closing the journal to examine the cover, and the backside of the journal held a picture of the vase that sat on the desk. It was as if the journal belonged there, in this little piece of freedom. That is exactly what I felt when I was there, though I never realized just what freedom was until I read the journal. It all started with that first entry. Like an epilogue to a novella of my mother's journey. Every single event that took place during her journey is written in it. Some events I still don't understand. Lessons I will never understand, but they were important to her. To my mom. My heart does a flip just thinking about her. I love her, and sometimes it amazes even me that I am capable of love.

You have to understand, I am nothing special. I never have been, and the runes that speak to me in dreams are the only things that keep me alive to this day. The only reason my father kept me alive all these years was because I was the _thing_ he needed to be powerful. Without me this man is nothing but a coward living a lie. All of it is a lie. The Shadowhunter government, though corrupt, will cease to exist when he is through with it. I will have no part in it. I need to get away to somewhere no one can follow me. It isn't that simple though, because my father insists on my marriage soon. I'm only seventeen, and I have sent every possible courtship home scared and running, and I won't stop because I'm not ready yet.

Until recently it was a never-ending cycle, everyday. I would meet a boy who was younger than me, and then a man that was older than me, and if I were lucky I would meet a male who was my age. Everyday it was a different guy and it was tiring. They asked the same questions and wanted certain pre prepared answers in return. Sometimes it felt like I was living in the eighteenth century, but of course my father didn't want me to marry for love because he would have nothing useful from that. He needed a leader, and I wasn't good enough for him. I never would be, and he made that clear very early in my life. Nothing I ever did was good enough for my father. I didn't really see this until I opened and read the diary. The first chapter of a story that I never knew and was never supposed to know. It changed my life forever.

**Jocelyn POV**

_May 15, 1991_

_Dear my baby, _

_I felt you kick me today, so powerful for such a small thing. I feel you will be like me, and nothing like your father. I hope this feeling is true. I put my hand on my belly to calm you down when you can't stay still, and I realize how different you are from my first baby. _

_You probably know nothing of him; he was a strange little boy. He was dark, but he was innocent in this life. Your father ruined him, and I've never forgiven him for it. I begged him not to do the same thing to you, but sometimes I feel like he did interfere, but somehow made you stronger instead of weaker. Your big brother, Jonathan, he was so weak when I held him. His dark eyes frightened me; it was almost like I could see into his soul. It was a bad situation for me because I wanted to be his mother and raise him, but I couldn't. The nightmares that came along with being afraid of your own child started to take a toll on me. _

_I confronted your father about my fears and he told me I was just being paranoid. I was after all a brand new mother; I had so many new things to worry about. But there were things that I had to worry about that I shouldn't have had to. I had to worry about my little boy, because I didn't see life in his eyes, I saw death. _

_When I was first pregnant with him, it was as perfect as it is with you. I felt him and I had a strong connection with him. Then one day this connection snapped. He stopped moving, and I worried something was wrong. I went to see my good friend Ragnor Fell, a warlock, in hope of finding out something. When I arrived, he immediately knew something wasn't right. He put his hands on my stomach and his face fell and he stared at me with sad eyes. _

"_Is he-is he dead?" I started to cry and I couldn't stop. No, no I didn't prepare myself for what he was going to say, but at the time all I was worried about was whether he lived or died. Nothing in between, and that was my mistake. _

"_Not dead, but something else. Has anyone been giving you special medicine or anything to help with the pregnancy?" Ragnor looked at me still with sad eyes, but they were now more worried than anything. _

"_I don't think so, but Valentine has been giving me special smoothies to help with the vivid dreams. Sometimes they make me wake up shaking and I can't go back to sleep. Wait, why?" I didn't find any importance in this information, but vivid dreams were the least of my problems. _

"_Smoothies...Jocelyn you don't think Valentine would give you anything that could harm you or the child?" he sounded crazy, Valentine was supposed to be my loving husband after all. _

"_No of course not, he was just trying to help me. I asked him for help. Why would he do something to harm his own child...?" I asked persistently. _

"_It's just when I put my hands on your stomach, it's not normal. I have seen many pregnancies and I have never seen this before. It's not like __anything__ I've ever seen before. The child's heartbeat is fast and he so still. It's peculiar and I'm worried. Something dark is happening Jocelyn, and someone must have done __something__. This isn't something you have any control over; whatever is happening won't stop until it's complete. You need to figure out what's happening, before something happens to you too," he sounded perplexed. I left after this confrontation and I was so worried. Worried for my child and myself. What could have possibly happened to my baby? I had heard about diseases that babies can get in the womb, but Shadowhunters had the blood of an angel. Our blood was stronger than the average mundane. _

_I was in denial after that meeting, and I never talked to Valentine about our baby. I started to believe that everything was normal and Ragnor was wrong, but I was the one who was wrong. When I awoke to contractions far into my pregnancy, I knew it was time. I woke your father up, and he helped me give birth to our baby. He was so loving and gentle during this time that I believed I was crazy for ever thinking he could have done something to his own child. But when I held my son for the first time and looked into his eyes, I saw that my deepest fears were coming true. They were the darkest eyes I had ever seen, though they looked exactly like your father's, there was something that made me want to wail and scream for him to get away from me. As if he were Lucifer himself. _

_I went to Valentine and I asked him what he had done to my baby, the back of my eyes were burning and I never cried much, but the hormones and stress of pregnancy were bound to get to me someday. He turned and glared at me demanding that I take care of the child. That it was my responsibility as the boy's mother to take care of him. To love him, but I couldn't love him. _

_I would feed your brother and then I would go to sleep and I wouldn't awake until he needed to be fed again. I was no mother to that child, simply a source for human nutrients, and that is my biggest regret. Months went by like this. I wouldn't do anything for anyone. One night I awoke to the sound a child crying and I went to Jonathan's room to find that he was fast asleep. He always slept through the night, I should have known better. I didn't hear any other cries and I realized I must have dreamed the whole thing. As I was in the room, my child woke up and smiled at me. It was then that I realized just how innocent the child was in all of this. I scooped him up and carried him back to my room, thinking he may be hungry. I heard something downstairs in the cellar that I assumed was the wail of an animal. I carried a curious Jonathan on my hip as I reached the cellar. In the cellar I found Valentine torturing something in the corner of the room. I screamed and Jonathan put his hand on my cheek and then removed it quickly, almost as if any emotion he had left as fast as it had come. _

_Valentine glanced up at me with Jonathan and stared at me with wide eyes, "What are you doing down here Jocelyn, and why did you wake up Jonathan?" _

"_I heard a noise, what does that matter? What are __you doing__, Valentine?!" my voice was cracking and I barely got the words out. I clutched Jonathan closer to me and saw Valentine turn towards me with a smug look on his face._

"_Nothing you need to concern yourself with honey. You should go upstairs and put Jonathan back to bed and we can talk when I come up. I'll be there shortly, sorry to have woken you up," his entire face had changed into the loving man I knew. I nodded and turned to go up to Jonathan's room. It was then that I began to question everything. I put Jonathan back into his bed, where he fell asleep almost instantly. _

_What happened after that night changed everything because I also found out I was pregnant again…with you. _

___Growing up I had never really thought about what my future would hold, if I would be married and have children. I lived life day by day. I kept my friends close and apparently my enemies closer. I never wanted this for you child, I would never wish the life you have on anyone. The fact is that I am dead and you are alive. I hope you keep reading because there are things that you need to know. I just don't know how I am going to write it, but I promise you I will keep writing until I can't anymore. These memories are as hard for me as there are for you to hear. Even this first memory, though important, is the first of so many. There are so many things happening right now that I do not know what will happen. I do not know how you will be affected by any of this, and it terrifies me. I'm terrified for you, sweetheart. I love you so much. _

_- Jocelyn _


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Obviously I'm no Cassie so blah blah blah I don't own anything. **

******_A note before you read on: _****  
Okay, I know some of you may be confused with my story and I apologize with how confusing it is. I switch the time of the story all the time. The first part of this chapter is back when she was 10 and then it goes back to when she's almost 17. But if any of you are wondering, she is 17 in the 1st chapter. I try to put when the parts take place in the story, but I know it's confusing. So when I say 1 month before I mean 1 month before the first chapter. The first chapter is kind of like a prologue but I have to get through the past before I write about the present. Bear with me and R&R :). **

7 Years Ago

I closed the diary and held it to my chest tightly. I looked up and saw my father staring towards my direction. I quickly fell down until I was laying on the floor, which was strangely clean for a shed, and I gasped. I waited for the yelling and I kept thinking of different excuses as to why I was out in the middle of the forest alone when I should be waiting for him in my room. But that moment never came. I got off the floor slowly, and I realized the room I was standing in must have some sort of magical origin. Not that I hadn't thought that before, but magic is a dark concept. Not one I would have hoped to run into alone. I looked around the room for anything that could help me, when I came across a signature in a corner on the wall.

**_RF_**

I remembered a name from my mother's journal, Ragnor Fell. That must be it, who else could it be? I have to find this person to find out the truth, but first I have to go home and make up an excuse to my father. Maybe I should go pick out a special herb to show him. I could say that I read about it and thought it was useful. I couldn't use the salvia sclarea, because that would be too obvious that I was lying. It would give me away, even though I know they're here for a reason. My mother had reasons for everything she did. She had a reason for staying with my father as long as she did, and I was determined to find out her reasoning.  
Walking home from the shed was different, because my eyes were open to everything around me. I wasn't sure what things were really against me or for me. Everything my father had taught me seemed to lose a little of it's meaning. I still had to figure out who I could trust. It was true that maybe my mother couldn't trust my father, but a man can change right? My father isn't a bad man. He has always treated me fairly and now is the time to treat him the same. I have to give him a chance to explain everything to me. Surely he would tell me everything if I asked. It is his duty. I needed to know the truth about my parents. But first I need to go home and see what Valentine has in store for me.

I see the manor ahead of me and the sun has started to set, it was later than I thought. I could see the witchlight through my window and I saw a shadow move. My father must be in my room looking for something. I'm suddenly glad that I left the journal in the shed. It would have been awkward trying to explain it to him. There was no way he would have let me keep it, and I needed to keep and read it for my mother's sake.

I walked through the front door and I came face to face with someone I had never seen before. I jumped back a few feet and fell down the front steps and I could feel myself falling towards the stone floor. I never fell. It wasn't like me to lose my footing, and it definitely hadn't been a graceful fall either. It wasn't long, but it felt like minutes, before I felt the ground under me and my head came down, and soon I let the darkness take over me.  
-

1 Month Before

I awoke to the sound of my name being called. I groaned loudly before opening my eyes, and when I finally did open them it was hard to cover up my surprise. I was staring at blue irises that made me shiver just looking at them. I was lost in them until I heard their owner clear his throat.

"Hello love, my name is Alexander Lightwood, I'm here to sweep you off your feet. Care to walk with me?" he sounded sincere, but I knew better.

"You know **_Alexander_**," I said his name like it was a disease, like there was snake venom on my tongue, "I am one hard lady to please. I bet my father forgot to mention what happens when a gentleman tries to win me as his prize. He never does warn them and it sometimes hurts even me when I see the last amount of hope drain from their eyes." Though I would never do anything close to hurt any of the men my father has tried to "court me", as he puts it. I found the whole concept to be set in the 1800s, and I didn't like it. What I did like was seeing the fear in their eyes, and that's exactly what was staring at me through those perfect blue eyes. He was an attractive man, and if he wasn't a follower this might actually be a nice set up. But that's exactly what he was, and try as he might, my father will not have a hand in deciding my future. Including whom I share the rest of my life with.

While looking into his eyes I was looking for something that I couldn't seem to find, lust. I didn't see a trace of it in his eyes. That only made me freeze and grab his shoulders roughly. My fingers were digging into his skin, and I slightly hoped I had drawn blood. "Yes Alexander. Lets take a walk," he was scared and I loved it. They were always scared and that was a stupid thing to be. One of the most important things my father taught me was to never be scared.

"Oh you know what Seraphina—I think I have somewhere—somewhere I have to go to," he started blabbering and I was proud of myself.  
This has become like a game to me over the past year.

I smiled up at him and begged him lightly, "But I have something I would like to show you. It would do me a great pleasure if you would walk through the garden with me." I turned on the charm when I saw him nod nervously. I grabbed his hand to find his palm sweating immensely. I quickly enclosed our fingers together to help his nerves. I had learned from one of the many healing books that personal contact helps to slow down the heart rate if you're comfortable enough with the individual. It was also a sort of test to see if he would calm down, because I was always calm. I taught myself to always be calm even when my world was falling apart.

"Seraphina you can call me Alec," as he spoke his shoulders slumped slightly. It was the push I needed and I started walking towards the manor's garden. I had been laying near my mother's shed sleeping in a book my father wanted me to read, when Alexander found me. He didn't seem to see the shed like I did, no body ever had. Well except him, but that was a different case entirely.

I knew from past experience that if you walked through the woods around the manor it was easy to find yourself in the garden. But it was my own personal secret that I could find my way to anywhere in the forest. It was important to me that none of my suitors know anything personal about me. I mean of course they were allowed to remember me, and perhaps the fear they felt when I put the stele to their skin and drew one of the angel's own marks. It was that fear alone that showed me how weak the Shadowhunter race was. I would have been weak too if not for my mother. I couldn't be weak, I wouldn't be weak. I would stand and I would fight until my last dying breath if that's what it takes.

When I saw the gazebo in the distance I turned around. That was my private place and I didn't want anyone to step foot there. It was where I would go to think and to breathe when I couldn't face something. It was where I would go when I was afraid. It was also where my parents had been married and when they were at their happiest. I know their marriage was not a good one, but all marriages have their brightest part and usually that is their wedding day. It was like I could feel it sometimes, their happiness. Their love. And sometimes I found myself wandering there without even thinking about it. Alec didn't think twice about it and continued down the path while telling small stories about his family. As if I was listening.

It wasn't that I didn't want to listen, because I did. Alec seemed like a great person and exactly who I would have wanted to be close to. But not that close. I hope I won't ever have to be that close to someone. Especially someone whom my father sent, I just find it creepy and weird. However there was something about Alec That I couldn't put my finger on. He was different. Not special, but different. And I was going to figure out why he was different.

He was friendly enough, while he was talking about his family his face lit up like a witchlight in a dark tunnel. He was talking about his little brother, Max, who as he described was a small 10 year old who's mind was a masterpiece. Like one of my mother's paintings in the shed. Masterpiece. Max was an adventurous little guy who was always trying to run away to the forest to find creatures. I've never met the youngest Lightwood and I wasn't sure I wanted to. Getting attached to anyone was a dangerous role, and I didn't want to risk anything. Though I really wanted to meet him and I even told Alec this, and he smiled a genuine smile at me and said, "I'm sure he would love you. I mean his favorite color is red so he would automatically idolize you."

"Ha-ha-ha yeah yeah make fun of the hair," I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and he started laughing. And It was getting easier to act around Alec, which made me feel like I wasn't acting at all. I automatically consumed my behavior without a second thought. Damn, I really needed to get myself together.

"Alec, can I show you something?" I asked politely knowing he would practically allow me to do almost anything at the moment. They always let me do whatever I wanted.

He looked up at me and his eyes were full of faith in me. How could he put his faith into some stranger? It was sad how easy he gave himself away, pathetic really. But there was something else in his eyes too, and I could tell that he was still afraid of me somewhat. Good. At least he wasn't all stupid when it came to me. He nodded after a long pause of looking at me intently. I grabbed my stele from the back pocket of my leather pants and brought it out for him to see. He looked at me curiously and said, "What are you going to do, Seraphina?" he asked me. He didn't look truly scared yet, which is what I was expecting.

I grasped the stele tightly in my hand and brought the tip right next to his heart, where his shirt was unbuttoned. He didn't stop me, nor did he even try to. I looked up at him and his eyes were shut tightly. I laughed soundlessly as his discomfort and continued to bring the stele down to his skin. I was determined and when I started to draw the rune I was proud of myself. It didn't harm him and he opened his eyes slowly. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Now Alec, will you tell me more about your brother? About his adventures?" I asked hoping he wouldn't question me.

I was lucky because he didn't even seem to have any interest in finding out which rune I had drawn on him, or it's power. I wondered if he had ever heard my father talk about me. My father always seemed to gloat about me to all of his loyal _pets_. He always referred to me as his experiment. It was disgusting how little I meant to the world, how little any one person was to the world. But in my father's world I mattered. To his plans and everything he had built, I mattered. I only wish I could've been the experiment he wanted, or to be the girl he wanted to raise. But I was neither of those. I was my mother's daughter, and I was not my father's _experiment_.

I looked up to Alec while he was telling me a story about his brother wandering off into the woods to find the fair folk when he stopped talking. It didn't take long for him to look me in the eyes, and before I knew it he was kissing me.

And it felt wrong. So _**wrong**_. I took two steps back and threw my hands up to stop him. That was my first kiss. I had never let any of the previous men even get close enough to try. I realize now how humiliating he must feel, and I spoke to relieve some of the tension in the air, "Alexander do you know what rune I drew next to your heart?"

It was the first time that he looked at the rune and truly saw it. I knew exactly what I had drawn, but he had no idea. He looked back up at me as if waiting for an explanation. Instead I asked him another question, "Now why did you kiss me? Are you afraid of kissing me?"

His eyes grew wide when he tried to figure out what was happening, and I saw the rune begin to fade at the edges. I still had a few more minutes to make him squirm. "Why would you be afraid of kissing me Alec? Do I make you nervous? What did my father tell you before this meeting? You see I drew the rune 'without fear' onto your skin. So you did that in an act of fearlessness. Now please answer me, or I'll ask more questions that I'm sure would make you more uncomfortable."

"If this rune is true then it explains a lot. But to tell you the truth I'm not afraid of kissing you, and no you do not make me nervous. Your father told me he needed someone to marry you. He told me it was urgent and would need to happen as soon as possible. And I am quite sure all of your questions make me uncomfortable," he stated sounding very sure of himself.

I suppose I might as well ask the most important question that has been bugging me all day, "Alec are you even interested in me?"  
"Well I could be, if that's what you wanted. But no I am not interested in you," he spoke with such a confidence that I wondered if he had ever done something so fearless.

"Are you attracted to me at all?" I know I wasn't asking the most important question. I just wasn't sure how to ask it would sound without being rude.

Alec looked at me with surprise in his eyes and glanced at me. He was studying me for what seemed to be a few minutes before he answered, "You're a very beautiful woman, but I'm afraid I do not find you attract—"

"My dear Seraphina, would mind showing my guests into the house? They've just arrived and I'm not sure they remember the way," my father appeared behind us cutting off Alec from his confession. I didn't have long until the rune faded completely so I needed to be quick. I turned around to see my father's company only to be faced with a girl my age. Aline Penhallow stood in front of me staring at me. She was so beautiful and I wanted to cringe at the thought. Her parents stood behind her looking out at the garden.

"Right this way. Alec would you join me in showing these guests to the manor, please?" I was hoping I could take them and be done with it as soon as possible. Knowing my father, he probably had other plans. He made a point to interrupt my "dates" because of how I first dealt with them. But I honestly have become more mature, I haven't made the last five gentlemen cry. I mean that's a start right? It's my father's fault anyway. Why would I want to be in a marriage at 17. No one wants that. I've changed so much in the past seven years, and I wonder why anyone would marry someone else ever. Everyone changes and if you grow into someone your spouse could never love, than what was the point of binding your souls forever? I still need to grow up, and how am I supposed to do that with a man breathing down my neck every five seconds.

"Seraphina, lead the way," Alec waited for me to move and to my surprise my father didn't stop him.

Now it was clearly obvious that the Penhallows knew how to find their way to the manor, but my father didn't want to leave them alone. He must have some business to attend to before dinner. Previously I had thought his business would have been to help Alec get out, but I was wrong. I followed the path through the trees and garden until I found my way to the manor. It was a beautiful garden and it sometimes surprised even me that my father could keep something so beautiful.

The french doors that led out to the back patio were open and the table was already set up from earlier. I had cooked dinner earlier and set everything up. My father used to think that a woman could either be in the kitchen or on the battlefield until I proved to him that we could, most definitely, be both. When I showed an interest in cooking my father had sent over some of the wives in the Circle. Mrs. Lightwood was one my favorites, though I haven't seen her in a long time. Whenever she came over all she ever talked to me about her family, and her daughter. How _Izzy_ would never even step foot in the kitchen, and how she wished _Izzy_ was more open to it. I understood why Isabelle wasn't interested, I mean hell she probably would actually be stuck in the kitchen if she could cook. That's just the way our world worked. Our lives were laid out for us before we were even born.

I told everyone to take a seat anywhere they'd like and walked into the kitchen through the french doors. I grabbed the pot roast that was ready and asked Alec, whom had followed me inside, to take the salad bowl. My father would pick up food whenever he left for business outside of Idris. Those mundanes really had great food. The pot roast I made had my secret seasoning that would easily raise some eyebrows. It really was just some herbs that I put together from my studies, but they tasted incredible. I love food. It really brings people together, even if it is for show. I put a huge smile on my face while serving the food. By the time Alec and I had successfully served food onto all of the platters my father had rejoined us.

"My dear Seraphina, this looks magnificent," my father always preferred that I know my way around the kitchen, "but I'm afraid there will be another joining us tonight."

"Oh, well _I'm_ sorry father, I'll go fetch an extra placement," I know I sounded a little frigid. Though I knew who this guest would be, I couldn't contain my anger very well. I just wish he would go away. My father doesn't need him, yet he is always here. It's ridiculous really. Recently it was as if he was always here. Jonathan this, Jonathan _that._ I swear that boy replaced my brother a long time ago. I hated my father for it. One day I would avenge my brother and I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

When I returned to the patio I was in for quite a surprise. The man standing next to my father was indeed _**not**_ Jonathan. It was a man that looked as if he didn't quite belong here. He was dressed nicely, like my father always dressed, but he was what I could only describe as _shiny_. But that's not the only thing that surprised me. Alec had gotten up and was addressing the flamboyant man in a handshake. I looked up at him and I saw in his eyes what I had been looking for earlier when I first spoke to him. It was then that I realized exactly what situation I was in. My eyes were wide when I dropped the plate I was carrying. I had done it purposefully, but no one had to know that. I looked up at Alec and asked him to help me. He came over reluctantly, and when we were done cleaning up I asked him to come help me find another one.

When we were safely out of earshot I fell against the wall, and put my hands to my face. "Alec, that was a close one, by the Angel," I breathed out.

"What are you talking about?" he looked at me as he spoke, clearly unaware of what danger I had just put him in, "What do you think about him? Do you think he liked me? He was something special though, wasn't he?" He was so cute when he was frustrated. I started to laugh and Alec just stared at me before he joined in my laughter after a minute.

"Alec I'm going to draw a new rune above the one I drew okay? It's taking longer to fade than I had hoped, and I'm not taking any chances," I clearly stated knowing he wouldn't understand what I now understood. I took my stele out of my back pocket again, and put it to his skin. I drew a small rune that only I knew. If you look at it, it really did look like a doodle of sorts. Just a simple line with curves throughout. This is what I always drew after I had done my dirty work on my suitors. This time it was different; I didn't want Alec to forget, but sadly he had to. He had to forget for my own sake and his.

He looked up at me as the rune did its magic. Though it wasn't really magic, magic was a darkness that I didn't way to be involved with. The life that had awakened in his eyes slowly left, and I watched as the courageous boy that had made a fool out of himself leave, and the careful young gentleman return. "Seraphina, where is that plate we needed to get?" he quickly got up from where we had landed after my laughing fit. I pointed towards the right cupboard and he grabbed the plate and we went back out to the waiting company.

The dinner I made was given many compliments and I was right about my seasoning. Mrs. Penhallow was exceptionally thrilled with my cooking, and asked if I could show her daughter some ways around the kitchen. Though one look at Aline showed me that she would rather hunt down ravenor demons than get advice from me in the kitchen. I knew that Aline would rather be in a kitchen than fight demons any day, but I knew she didn't like me because I did both. I gracefully declined before my father could say anything about it. Alec helped me clear the table before he dismissed himself from the party. I knew my father would be thinking that this was the first time any man had left without running and that he was the one for me.

I was beginning to wonder if I could ever love another shadowhunter. They were all the same, and I knew I wasn't. This was all a game to me, and I needed to grow up. As I lost my train of thought doing the dishes a pair of strong arms went around my waist and hugged me. I grabbed the knife I had been cleaning and put it to the person's throat behind me. He started laughing. "Now now Seraphina, if I had known how forward you were I may not have scared you like that. But as comfortable as this is I would rather you not stab me tonight," I slowly turned around to see the guest from dinner beaming at me.

**_Magnus Bane._**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I am so sorry it took me so long to update. There's no excuse, just pure laziness. Anyway here it is chapter 5! I may have stolen a line from one of the tmi books in this chapter. If you find it...well I'll try to update faster :)**

**Oh and if any of you have any special requests for this story just private message me, and I can try to fit it into my story!**

My eyes grew wide with anticipation and I braced myself for anything out of the ordinary. Magnus began by throwing his arms in the air showing off his gold polished fingernails. I had previously noticed at dinner, but he clearly wanted me to see them. He always wondered why I never tried to dress up or put any makeup on. I just never saw the point of it all. I mean you only have one face for your entire life so why put a mask on it? Growing up with a mother may have changed my perspective, but I liked that I didn't rely on cosmetics to make myself feel beautiful.

I have always thought many things were beautiful. Paying close attention to the details in nature and in people, I saw many beautiful aspects in life. Growing up a Shadowhunter had showed me many things. Beauty is everywhere. I believe there is a beautiful trait in every living soul on Earth and beyond.

As more men tell me I'm beautiful I feel like I lose one of my own beautiful traits. None of those men could ever love me. I have too much darkness in my past to let my guard down for any of those men. When all of those men compliment me, I lost a little piece of myself.

Then there were those times where I was insulted and it made me feel better. Like now for instance. Magnus never missed a beat and always had to say something about my appearance. No matter what my mood was he never quit, and I loved that about him.

I spoke to him in a businesslike manner in case my father was listening, "Well hello there Mr. Bane. Did you approve of the dinner I made earlier?"

"Oh on the contrary, I thought it was a bit dry dear. Maybe try to cook it a little longer next time?" he said.

"Wouldn't that just make the meat drier?" I answered his stupid question.

He seemed to think about it for quite some time before responding, "Yes well, but perhaps that would have made it better. Now off to more important topics! When are you going to let me dress you? You dress like a man, and I just think you would look so lovely in something more..._feminine_."

Oh here he goes again. I began to whisper in fear of my father eavesdropping, "Magnus, now is not the time. When will you ever stop? I don't need to wear a dress so that men notice me! If they truly wanted me, I wouldn't need to be wearing a girdle for them to care!" I quickly looked around the room to the hallway where my father had disappeared to after dinner.

Magnus seemed to understand what I was worried about because he randomly said, "Oh don't worry Sera dear, he's busy taking care of 'official' Circle business," Magnus said while using air quotes for special effect. By circle business, Magnus meant my father was doing something that would be frowned upon if the Clave were to ever discover it. I had of course grown used to this behavior over the years and chose to pretend to know nothing.

"Well let's go out to my mother's place and talk, I don't want to do it here, it's too risky," I stated. Magnus must have agreed because he walked straight out the French doors that led into the rear of the manor. Magnus knew the way to the shed because we had met there many times before. Magnus was one of the only individuals who knew of my situation.

When I was around ten, I had been in the shed looking through my mother's things when the door burst open to show a sparkling man. I later found out he was warlock and could help me discover the truth about my mother.

Walking through the garden on the way to the forest Magnus stopped walking and turned back to me. He looked me up and down for a minute before speaking. "You really are beautiful Sera, it's a shame you do not let any of them see the real you. You have no idea the kind of power you could have," his tone held a certain aspect that I couldn't identify. Disappointment maybe?

"Oh don't look at me like that my dear, I didn't mean me. I'm not your type, or should I say _you_ aren't my type," he was implying something but all I noticed was the subtle insult in his words.

"Well fine, sorry I'm not good enough for you," I spoke with venom and as soon as I finished speaking I realized I didn't actually care if he was interested in me or not. I don't really know why I was reacting this way; really it was a strange sensation. "C'mon, we have actual important things to talk about," I said after a few seconds of awkward silence. I had tried and failed to make myself calm down.

When I saw the shed in the distance it was then that Magnus decided to break the silence. "I wasn't trying to be rude Sera. Actually you are quite beautiful, and any man would be lucky to hold your heart. Sometimes I forget how easy it is for you to get hurt. I'm an old man who doesn't look a day over twenty-two. I have seen so much of the world, and no two people are ever quite the same. Just like two people can never be perfect for each other, life isn't a fairytale. Relationships are hard work, and those individuals need to be dedicated to each other for it to work. I know I'm not an influence in your life because I am a friend, but just this once I want to be both. Don't let your heart get in the way of your mind. One of these days a boy is going to sweep you off your feet. He'll demand your heart then later smash it to pieces. It will happen again and again until one can pick up all those broken pieces and stitch them back together. This man will help you become the best person you can be, and it is important that you do not take him for granted because he could be gone in a matter of seconds. I have seen too much heartache in my lifetime and I cannot bear to see you break," something suddenly flashed across his eyes. It was as if he was remembering someone, or something. He took a deep breath before he continued on, "Seraphina as you know I am bisexual, and I think I'm in love."

In no way, shape, or form had I been expecting these words to come out of Magnus mouth? In love? With _who_? Besides the huge speech he had just delivered, I could only seem to focus on that one confession.

"Not to be the jealous best friend, but who is this person?" I know I sounded jealous, but what if I knew them?

"You have actually met him many times, as have I, his name is Alexander and he is a part of your father's group," Magnus was slightly nervous at his confession. I fought the urge to laugh after everything that had happened tonight. Alexander Lightwood. Magnus Bane thought he was in _love_ with Alexander Lightwood.

"Magnus, you can't be serious! You've only just met him. Tonight! You cannot be in love with someone after one night!" I said. This whole situation was absurd.

"Sera, I have been alive for so long. I know he is the one for me. You have to help me. I need to talk to him. You didn't see how we looked at each other? I thought he was looking right through me. He was so alive when we were out there, but then you broke the dish and he changed. What happened Sera? What rune did you draw on him? He walked back into the room a different man. No one else at the table seemed to notice, but I did," he said. He was looking at me in an accusing matter. "I know only of one person who could have that effect on someone, and that person is you," Magnus finished.

Way to put me on the spot. How could I explain to him all the times I had drawn the rune on those men without sounding crazy? Magnus knew of my abilities, but he had no idea that I had ever used it on other people. Before I realized what I was doing, I started laughing and I couldn't stop. I was remembering Alec when I had dragged him into the closet. How he had been acting head over heels in love with the person that stood before me.

When my laughing subsided I looked up at Magnus with a cheeky grin and he looked pissed. "Seraphina, you look ridiculous laughing like that. It sounded like a wild animal being attacked." This only made me giggle again.

When I was finally able to calm down completely I told the story of how I used runes against my potential mates to my sparkly best friend. By the time I had finished we were inside the shed and my witchlight was providing light into the room. I also explained how I felt about each of the boys. How they meant nothing to me and I couldn't bear them to want me in any way. How disgusting they made me feel.

"Magnus you have to understand, I do not feel guilt for any of the men I did that too. They wanted something from me and I gave them something that would make them run away instead. This life has been harder and harder to live. Eventually I will not be able to do it. Magnus, my mother never wanted this life for me. She had no idea of my powers and she still didn't want me to be a part of it. I have wasted all of her hard work. All of her dreams that were crushed when she died. When I think about, it's as if it were my hands crushing them. I've wasted the life she gave me, Magnus. And I'm trying to fix it," I told him everything. I cannot believe I told him my deepest fears and secrets, but this is Magnus. He has helped me so much through the years and I do not think I would be the person I am without him.

"You're seventeen," Magnus said. "You can't have wasted a life you've barely lived, Sera. Your mother was a delicate specimen. Looking at you now, you remind so much of her. You have her strength, her loyalty, and her ability to misinterpret things. I think you are mistaken in what your mother wanted for you. She wanted you to be happy and free. She didn't care about your powers; she wanted you out of this life. I intend to see her through, because I promised a woman who looked so much like you right now that I would help you. Along the road I became friends with one of the most determined individuals I have ever come to know. I will help you get out of this life, but it will take time. Time is precious and we need as much as we can get. I need you to prolong this search for a spouse as long as possible for your own wellbeing. I know you do not want to, but it is important."

"Magnus, I'll do whatever you think I should, but are sure this is the best way? And before I forget, what about Alec? The only way I can think to get you two in the same room together is if I accepted his courtship," I exclaimed.

"My dear we will just have to throw a party for you, won't we?" he said and he had this twinkle in his eyes. He had an idea and he intended to see it through. There was no stopping him.

"Have fun talking Valentine into something like that. He knows how much I hate formal meetings, let alone balls. That is what you meant right? A ball for me?" I asked the warlock.

"Oh he will be easily convinced sweetheart. And of course a ball! I will be dressing you; so do not even think about it! 'Seraphina's Ball for Courtship' doesn't it sound incredible?" Magnus seemed to be somewhere else entirely.

"Oh it sounds simply enchanting," I answered him sarcastically. A ball. Great. This should be _fun. _


	6. Chapter 6

7 Years Before

I awoke to the sound of water dripping. I felt the throbbing pain in the back of my head and I groaned loudly before I could stop myself. I concentrated on the sounds around me, but all I could hear was dripping water and my erratic breathing. I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see was darkness. I realized then that my hands were bound behind my back along with my legs bound together at the ankles and I had something covering my eyes. If I could just get it off I might be able to see where I am. But finding out where I was would only create bigger questions, like _who_ took me, and _why_.

A million things ran through my head and all I could focus on was not being able to finish reading my mother's diary. I would never know what she needed me to know. What she eventually paid the price of her life for. All of that just _poof_ _gone_. Just like that.

NO.

I will get out of here and I will read that journal if it is the last thing I do. But first I have to figure out where I am and what happened.

Since my hands and legs were bound and nothing I tried could get them untied, I stopped trying. I changed the way I was lying on the floor and turned my head towards the floor and maneuvered it in a way to pry the blindfold off. You would think it would be easy, but it took me ten minutes before it even moved an inch. Dragging my head across the stone floor didn't help the pounding in head either.

I stopped when I heard voices. They were distant and hard to hear, but I could make out some of their conversation.

"How long are we keeping her here?"

"Until she learns–"

The voices had moved further away from me and I couldn't make out anymore of the conversation. I tried again to get the blindfold off of my head and this time I was in luck. When I opened my eyes, I found it still hard to see and discovered it to be nightfall. I would have to wait until morning in order to figure out where was.

Looking around the room I could still make out some things in the dark. There was a large chain and handcuffs hanging behind me from the wall, I wasn't connected to it but it still scared me nonetheless.

I was right next to the door of my prison. It looked to be all wood but there was a small opening at the bottom where light was peaking in. There was a glass sitting there and a straw sticking out of it. I crawled or rather dragged myself toward the cup and put my nose above it to smell. It seemed to be tea or some sort of herbal drink. I took a small sip from the straw and it tasted awful. I gagged as I forced it down my throat.

But oddly enough the banging in my head ceased momentarily and I was overcome with the feeling of empowerment. Well the person in charge seems to care about my health at least.

Within minutes of being healed I started to feel drowsy. I knew I shouldn't have drunk the stuff. I'm so stupid.

Who would want me drugged and asleep?

Well whoever it was, they were sure going to get their wish. I swear when I get my hands on them, I will kill them.

But my father would come for me. After all I am the only family he has left. But how could he have let them overpower him to get to me? They must have him locked in here somewhere too. The terror started to come in waves until my eyes forced themselves closed and my brain couldn't handle being awake. I once again drifted into the darkness of dreamless sleep…

-The Circle-

**Jonathan POV**

_**3 Months Before**_

It was a hot summer this year and the days seemed to be growing longer, even though it was impossible. It was moments like this when I missed my father the most. Thinking about the impossible always made me think of the scenarios he would come up with for training. He really was a remarkable man, and he taught me things I would one day teach my children like survival skills and how to determine other people's characters or intentions just by looking at them. This came in handy most of the time, especially during our hunts.

The Circle is the greatest thing I could have ever hoped to be a part of. I was one of the most important members, I knew that and my father knew it was meant to happen before he died. In fact, the only member of the Circle higher than me is Seraphina Morgenstern, the boss's daughter. There wasn't anything special about her besides her bloodline. She would just be an average Shadowhunter, if her last name weren't Morgenstern. I knew this wasn't true of course. After all we were both experiments long before we were born. She has a special give of the angels and I do as well but no one knows about my gifts, not even Seraphina. The same angel blood runs through our veins, and I'm sure in another life we would have been made for each other. However, this wasn't the case. She didn't reach my standards, but Isabelle Lightwood was perfect.

There I go again wishing for things that will never happen. Our families didn't get along very well, or should I say our mothers don't get along. Maryse Lightwood has always hated my mother because she was a great friend to Amatis Graymark. Amatis was my father's first wife and the love of his life. He never talked about his first marriage to me, but mother never left me in dark. She always knew that Stephen loved Amatis and would always love Amatis. She explained to me that is how the Herondales love, completely and forever. I hope I love like that one day, to completely belong to someone and to have someone forever. A feeling I haven't even begun to grasp.

"Distracted Jonathan?" Valentine appeared behind me, and I looked at him with wide eyes. I didn't jump though; I never jumped. No true Shadowhunter would be scared so easily. Valentine looked the same as always, dressed in a nice suit that made him look sophisticated and intimidating. I've always looked up to Valentine, ever since I can remember.

"Just appreciating the scenery, sir," sir was a much better noun than master or your majesty. It would be strange to call him either of those things. I hope one day I'll be able to lead in his place after he grows too old or dies. I want someone to look up at me with this kind of respect. "Don't worry mother and I are leaving soon, and I will be gone until the next meeting."

"Actually Jonathan there is a matter that I need to speak with you about," Valentine looked uncomfortable, but his eyes held a gloomy gaze. He certainly was a confusing man, but he was someone to be admired.

"What's this about, Valentine?" I asked trying to sound exasperated, but failed due to my growing curiosity.

"Actually it's nothing of great importance, just something I've gathered from keeping a close eye on you. Your relationship with Ms. Lightwood is beyond friendship, am I wrong?" Valentine asked, but clearly he already knew the answer.

"Well sir I hope one day it is far beyond friendship, but as of right now we do not have a relationship past acquaintanceship," I stated because one day I did hope to marry her. She was beautiful and no one deserved that beauty more than me. I was the most attractive man in Idris and I was far more beautiful than any mundane man. Us being together should just be a given, who else are we supposed to be with? I could learn to love her, sometimes I think I do, but then I see her and I'm not sure.

"Did you have something you wanted to say about it?" I asked after an awkward silence.

"I think you would be a great leader one day, Jonathan. But sadly you are not my blood and therefore you cannot possibly be the next leader of the Circle. It's too important to my family and I to be led by anyone outside of the bloodline. I'm sorry Jonathan and I hope you one day have a family much like my own," Valentine sounded proud and sad. Valentine's wife had died during childbirth and my mother told me of his first son dying in a freak accident. I always wondered how Valentine could go on without them, but he had Seraphina of course. What was so special about this girl?

"Seraphina would take over then?" I ask after trying and failing to calm myself down. In the end I just stared at him. How could he give the Circle over to a child?! She had never even been to a meeting before, let alone a hunt. She would never make it as leader. The whole mission would be put at risk. With the Accords coming in only a year, we needed to plan and this couldn't distract me now.

"Well yes of course and her husband would take the leader role because no woman should handle that responsibility. She will take care of their family and he will take over the Circle. He may even take our name because I hope Seraphina can carry on the Morgenstern's past her generation," Valentine explained leaving little room for questions.

"You seem like you have already planned everything out. Tell me, who is this gentleman that Seraphina has married? Do I know him?" not that I truly cared, honestly I'd like to shake his hand for marrying _that_.

"That's the complication I have at the moment. She isn't married yet, and she doesn't have an interested suitor either. Every time I have her meet a possible one, she uses a rune to scare him away. Honestly it is tiring and I plan on sending her away to other Institutes until she finds a mate," Valentine states. His voice sounds like he's hoping for something.

"Don't tell me I was one of those suitors, was I?" by the Angel I hoped it wasn't true. There was no telling exactly what those runes could do and I knew I never wanted to be on the end of her stele. Christ, what did the little bitch do to me?! I started to look on my arms to see any rune I had previously not seen before when Valentine interrupted my search.

"No Jonathan, Seraphina doesn't like you. She always is making excuses to miss training when you are around. It wouldn't be worth it for you two. Well it might be worth it for you, but I don't want my daughter married just so that her husband can lead the Circle. That would be unfair of me and I have always tried to be a good father to her. I only ask of you to think of a gentleman that could be a possible suitor," Valentine asking for advice was honestly pathetic. How could I choose a man for a child to marry, who would always matter more than me? This boy would be practically royalty and his children would rule after him. I would be nothing, and my children would be _nothing_. "And the runes she uses on these suitors are sometimes permanent. I wouldn't want you to at risk, you are one of my prime members," the very thought of her runes made me cringe involuntarily.

Valentine had trained her well for her abilities. He was always bragging to the Circle about her. It was one of the reasons I disliked her before I met her. When I finally did meet her it was because our fathers wanted our families to mingle. When Valentine said "his family" he was always only talking about Seraphina. He never spoke about the family he had lost and a part of me admired his confidence in his daughter. Seraphina was about ten when I met her for the first time, and I had been eleven. Little did we know that we would be spending a lot of time together training, but it was true how she would skip training when I was around. Valentine would always excuse her and say she was studying in the library, but I knew better now.

"Do you think she could ever like me? If I tried to get through to her? I think if any man has a shot, it's me," I suggested. It was an impossible idea, but I had to try. I had to try for my family's sake.

"Do you want to try Jonathan? I can't say I'm not surprised, I always thought the aversion between you two was mutual," he was right, but I couldn't tell him that.

"She is beautiful," by the Angel where did that come from. I was lying through my ass at this point. I hadn't realized how far I would have to go with this. I wanted this more than I thought.

"Yes she is, much like her mother was. Many people don't see her beauty until it's too late. Much like her previous suitors. They realized she was a prized possession much too late and they were already in Seraphina's hands. She can be cruel when someone tries to claim her. It has been so difficult with her recently. She is always leaving late at night and coming back before dawn. It's peculiar and I need her to be with someone who will protect her," he sounded like a desperate man. He really did love her, and it was strange to see how much a father could love his daughter. It made me think about how parents see their children. The man in front of me was talking about a girl I knew well, a girl who didn't deserve the look of love on her father's face. She wasn't anything special. Seraphina is only what she was born into; she is a Morgenstern period, and that's all she will ever be.

"I can protect her, Valentine. I want to be this for you. It's the least I can do after everything you have done for my family since my father died. I owe you more than my own life," I pleaded with him hoping for this chance. I needed to do this for me. If he let me I would become the most powerful Shadowhunter of my generation and many others. No one would come above me. All would respect me; even the Clave would have to respect me. Not that I truly cared what the Clave thought of me, but still. I would be considered Valentine's son and he would trust _me_ the most.

"Well then by the Angel Jonathan I hope you can," Valentine smiled at me and it was only then that I began to question what I just said. Did I just agree to be Seraphina Morgenstern's husband? It was true that I owed Valentine my life, but this? What have I just gotten myself into..?

-The Circle-

**1 Month Before**

_**There I was again tonight**_

_**Forcing laughter, faking smiles **_

_**Same old tired lonely place**_

"Seraphina isn't this dress perfect? It will look fantastic tonight. Your father will have a heart attack once all of his 'crew' only has eyes for you. Now you know the plan right?" Magnus asked.

"Don't you think this is a bit much, Magnus? It's just a party after all," I insisted. Though looking at the mirror I thought I looked good. The dress I had been forced to put on was the exact shade of my eyes, a dark emerald green, and it showed off my curves nicely. It was strapless and had a sort of heart shape around my chest, and it flowed the rest of the way down to my high-heeled toes along with some crystal jewels starting in the middle of my chest down to the waist on my left side. If I hadn't been raised a warrior I doubt I would look anything like I do. I would probably be incredibly thin, flat chested, and short. I only have one of those traits now, which is that I am extremely short, but high heels are a girl's best friend and I never go anywhere without them. I never had a problem with the way women dress as long as it isn't dresses; I _hate _dresses so the fact that I was wearing one now was beyond me. It's just that I also hate them for what they cake onto their faces every single day.

Which is exactly what I didn't like when I looked in the mirror. From the neck down I was okay with how I looked, however the neck up was a different story. My face looked unrecognizable and I told Magnus as such, but he only replied with, "Isn't that the whole point of this?"

He had a point I guess, but somehow I doubted I could pull this whole thing off.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea Mags, my father will know. This is the kind of subject I cannot lie about. When it comes to the opposite gender all I know is where to punch to give them the most amount of pain possible. Dancing and flirting aren't my forte and I'm just going to fail, " I muttered the last part not really wanting Magnus to hear about my fear of failure.

"Seraphina have some trust. Your father won't suspect a thing because this is _nothing_ compared to everything else you've ever lied about. I can't believe you don't see the big picture here. This is just a step on your way to freedom. Once you get your father off your back we can get down to business like before," Magnus restated the same speech for the sixth time and it still was not making me feel any better.

I looked at the mirror and shrugged. Magnus turned around as I took the dress off because he knew how I felt about privacy. Plus there were always the scars I didn't want anyone else to see: the scars that reminded me of who I was, the scars that made me who I am, were the scars of the ten year old me. I quickly put back on my tight fitting clothes and grabbed my leather jacket from a chair next to the mirror in Magnus's house.

"I'll be back in a few hours to get ready, you'll help me won't you? I might need a few more pep talks before I go through with this thing," I hesitated by the door.

"Of course Seraphina. I might need your advice too about a certain blue eyed hottie," Magnus told me with a wink. I laughed at him and left. I started to turn towards the walkway home but thought better of it and decided to go the long way through the woods. In a strange way I found it easier to think when surrounded by nature. I was contemplating how tonight was going to turn out and before I even realized it I had spent hours in the woods. With a sigh I turned around and walked right back to Magnus's hoping he could talk me into this again.

_**Walls of insincerity, **_

_**Shifting eyes and vacancy **_

_**Vanished when I saw your face**_

I was officially having the worst time of my life. I had danced with too many men and I felt disgusting. They all looked at me with pure lust and I hated it. I was itching for the stele hidden in my thigh clasp, but Magnus and my father wouldn't appreciate it if I ruined the ball. After all the ball was for me so that I could find the _perfect_ husband. Only in my dreams is that possible. In my dreams all I wanted to feel was safety. I wanted to wake up from a nightmare and be enclosed in his arms, like he was protecting me from the nightmares.

The arms these men had around me were sloppy and sweaty. I had finally had enough after the seventh man stepped on my foot while drabbling on and on about his parabatai.

"Will you excuse me for a minute, Bill? I have to use the bathroom," I said while trying to pry his hands off me.

Lucky for me his arms automatically dropped and he answered with, "My name is Will." He turned around and stormed off. It took all of my control not to laugh out loud.

I searched around the room and caught eyes with Magnus who seemed to find my situation amusing. Well he can go straight to hell. This was his bright idea, and it was a _horrible_ one at that. I turned to the direction of the grand hallway and started walking. As soon as I was out of the ballroom I headed for the library. I could guarantee I wouldn't be interrupted while I tried to calm down.

When I turned the cold brass knob I felt slightly better. I quickly came in and locked the door. As soon I pulled out my witchlight from my brassiere I took a deep breath, and I instantly stopped feeling suffocated.

I moved to my favorite spot in the whole manor, the window seat and looked at the pile of books I had left there yesterday. My rune book was among them so I took it out and started looking through it: _anxiety, indestructible, blocking of the mind, heartache, _and_ compassion _along with hundreds of others. Some of these had side effects that I didn't fully understand because I had only tried them once. I never pressed too hard because I didn't know if any of the side effects were permanent. I gently closed the book knowing inspiration wouldn't hit me tonight. I was too stressed out, not even the angels could help me now.

I looked towards the full moon and contemplated how stupid I had been to think it would be easy to go along with my father's plan. In fact in order to go along with Magnus's plan I had to go along with Valentine's as well. For Bane's plan I needed time without my father pestering me all the time. The only way that was possible was to agree to his crazy scheme of marriage. All my father wanted from this arrangement was a leader for his precious Circle. What I wouldn't give to have him just leave me alone. A part of me thinks he is so persistent because he is scared of dying. That he thinks he could die when the Accords happen. Hell I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that to happen.

I felt the air in the room change and I knew I wasn't alone, but before I could turn around to see who it was a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.

_**All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you.**_

_**Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" **_

_**Across the room your silhouette, **_

_**Starts to make its way to me. **_

_**The playful conversation starts, **_

_**Counter all your quick remarks **_

_**Like passing notes in secrecy**_

"Well you are the last person I expected to see in here tonight. Especially since you have hundreds of suitors just outside that door. You know in a dress like that you leave so much room for imagination, you being in here is stopping those men from their precious fantasies and I gotta say Phina, that's extremely selfish of you," I turned around and was meet with the gloomy gaze of Jonathan Herondale.

"Is that you're way of complimenting me, Herondale? That's actually kind of cute of you to tell me I look hot," I responded with a tight smile ready for anything he might throw at me.

"Whoa there little girl, I never said you looked hot," Jonathan looked a little annoyed but that's how it always was when we had "conversations".

"I simply thought it was implied with the look you gave me. If you weren't undressing me with your eyes, then I'm secretly an Ahiab demon. Oh and my name is _not_ little girl, you know I hate when you call me that."

"Well then let me be responsible for cleaning out your aquarium, or should I just get my seraph blade ready?"

"You know I could beat you in a fight easy, Herondale."

"Without a stele, Morgenstern."

"But that's not a fair fight."

"How is it not? You're a Shadowhunter; one of the Nephilim. You do not need to power of the angel's symbols to help you in a battle against evil. You are viciously trained by one of the best fighters that ever lived and you can't do it?" Jonathan insisted.

"You know that's not it. I have a special gift with the symbols and I should be able to use them while I'm fighting. Just like you're allowed to use your power of combat skills. Believe it or not Jonathan you are a better at hands on fighting than I am. We're _both_ special. We just have different specialties," I countered.

He didn't answer me just looked at me in a way I had never seen from him before. For the first time in however many years I had known him, Jonathan Herondale didn't seem to have any form of loathing in his eyes. In its place I found…_gratitude_? I wasn't really sure, but it was something that wasn't negative.

"By the way, I couldn't help but think you were going to dash out on the ball, were you Herondale?"

"Oh you wish Morgenstern. No, if I wanted your father to hate me I would have simply asked you to dance, not ditch the entire party. He made this ball thing mandatory for all the men in the Circle. He must really want to get you hitched. How does it feel to be forced to marry someone you don't like?" he asked me curiously.

How do I answer that when I don't know? This whole situation is new to me.

"Well by that comment I can't help but feel as if you secretly do wish to dance with me, Herondale. As for the rest of that little speech of yours, I'm not surprised about my father and I have no idea do to the fact that I still haven't found anyone that I would be okay with marrying," I answered as truthfully as possible.

"Well let's go find out if we can find you a husband, shall we?" Jonathan held out his hand for me and I took it not knowing what exactly he had in store for me.

_**And it was enchanting to meet you.**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.**

**In order to make this story a little less confusing I started to put lyrics to some of the storyline because I don't want this to be confusing. So when you see lyrics, the theme of the lyrics should reflect the story itself. Please review and tell me if it is still confusing or if I should try something different, I really want to hear your input!**

**I know where I want to take this story; it is just the matter of everything in-between. If there is anything you want to happen in this storyline, you should private message me. And feedback is always welcome. Sometimes I question why I'm writing this story so your reviews can help me stop being lazy and write! :)**

_**All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you**_

Jonathan took my hand and led me back to the room I had been dreading ever going back into again. The music playing from the piano was being played by Alec's father, Robert. I looked around the room again to see if my suspicions were correct; they were. I was the only female in a crowd of hungry men. Some of the men were older and some were in their young teenage years. Some of the men were even married; Sebastian Verlac for example was recently married to Helen Blackthorn whom had kept her maiden name to be more independent. All of the men turned to me when I walked into the room and they all had this look in their eyes that I can't describe, but it was terrifying.

I turned to Jonathan with a look of horror and he laughed at me. I immediately took my hand out of his and started to walk away. Before I even took two steps he was there in front of me, smirking.

"Oh don't be such a girl Seraphina, it isn't very becoming of you," Jonathan said clearly amused.

"Whatever I'm so done with this party. I don't want this to be my life. You don't get it, Jonathan. You don't know what it's like to have your whole future planned out and not be able to change it," I stated while I walked away.

He didn't know anything about me though. He wouldn't really know the truth behind my words. I wonder what he thinks I'm even talking about. To other people I seem to be the spoiled brat heiress, I imagine that's exactly what he thinks of me. Maybe I'll just tell my father that I'm a lesbian so that he'll disown me and then leave me alone…but I know that's not how it would end. It would end with me being hurt. Burning my special rune into my porcelain skin and hiding in the shed for weeks. It's happened before. More times than I'd like to admit. When I finally do return home my father will just pretend nothing ever happened.

"You honestly feel that way? That you can't escape your life?" Jonathan had followed me into the hallway. "Because I feel like that too. Sometimes I even wish I could have been born a _mundane_, and that terrifies me," he rushed the last part not wanting anyone else to hear.

It didn't matter really because we had reached the room I wanted. Not the library, but my room. I was tired of this dress and I wanted it off as soon as possible.

"Okay now that we've had this little _heart to heart_ I'm going to go change then get out of here as soon as possible. So if you'll excuse me–" I was cut off by Jonathan grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him. I flinched and he let go uncertain of my flinching.

I glared at him and spoke, "What do you want from me Jonathan? Do you want me to cry or something because I won't. I'm not that kind of _girl_," I hissed as I opened my door.

I walked through the door and into my room but he had never answered me so I just assumed he left and I sighed really loudly before turning around to slam my door shut.

I grabbed the witchlight from my bra and set it on my nightstand before putting my hands behind my back to unzip my dress I was half way done when I heard someone clear their throat.

_**This night is sparkling,**_

_**Don't you let it go.**_

"I thought you left," I said clearly not amused and turned to face him.

"And miss the show? Of course not Phina, I would never want to miss this," he joked with a wink. He walked over to my bed and sat down and pulled his legs up Indian style.

"Are you comfortable Herondale?"

"Actually yes I am thank you," he smirked at me.

"Well good, now get out. Get out before I throw you out."

"Not before the show, I really want to watch it," he was still smirking at me.

_Why was he smirking at me, Damn it!_

"In your dreams Jonathan."

"Actually it is and now it's real, so _please_ continue," he sat up straighter and I actually believed he wanted to see. Well he's just shit out of luck because that's not happening.

I grabbed the thigh clasp from underneath my dress and took out my stele. I felt the emerald gem and it instantly calmed me. It was a gift from my father for my tenth birthday. It was the same birthday I received my first marks, and I received them with this very stele. Every rune I have ever used has been drawn with this stele.

Now I turned it around in my hands and thought about all of the runes I could draw on him. One's that could make him cry like he's never cried before or be the most scared possible. A small part of me wanted to draw the rune I drew on all my suitors to see why he was really in my room.

"Seraphina Adele Morgenstern, what are you up to?" Jonathan said my full name interrupting my thoughts.

"Just thinking of all the ways I could torture you."

"Oh so many choices. Will you go with the _emotion_ rune? Or just _fearful_?"

"How'd you know?"

"Well you mutter to yourself when you're pissed, and the last time you did revenge runes on me you went with those. Let me tell you it was no walk in the park. Those things were still effecting me days later," Jonathan said only semi jokingly.

I laughed and grinned at him very proud of myself.

"But Phina, don't forget I know exactly what to do to torture you so don't tempt me."

"And what, pray tell, could that be?"

"I could take you back to the party and make you dance with the twelve year old from Barcelona who barely speaks any English besides '_fetch me a wench'_ and '_some pizza would be nice_'," Jonathan was having fun teasing me and I was enjoying this side of him. I don't think I ever really pictured Jonathan to be anything different from my father, but my father wouldn't be joking with me right now. Or you know, _**ever**_.

I face palmed, but I couldn't stop the grin that was already on my face, not that I wanted to. "Well then I assume that means a truce is in order, Herondale. For tonight at least. Shake on it?" I asked him holding out my hand.

"I have a better idea. I don't want to waste this perfectly good dress of yours so let's go dance, Morgenstern. But not in the ballroom, out into the garden we go. Where no one will find us or suspect," he stared at me while he spoke. Then he walked up next to me and lifted his arm for me to take.

When an awkward silence took place he dropped his arm.

"It's okay. We don't have to. I just thought it would be a better scenario then going to bed," Jonathan said, a little shaky I thought. Was it possible that he was nervous? I couldn't hold it against him though because I was nervous too, especially because my dress was unzipped and I couldn't reach where the zipper was which is exactly why I hesitated in the first place.

"Well Herondale you already have me half naked, I might as well let you dance with me. But first you're going to have to think about some pig lungs or something and zip up my dress."

I stepped in front of him and I think he hadn't been fully aware of my predicament until this moment. "Oh…? _Oh._"

I felt the heat of his presence behind me and I could practically feel the goose bumps fast approaching. _By the angel please no._

His hands found their way to the zipper, which was somewhat near my butt and took way too long pulling it up. He stopped zipping shortly after starting and I couldn't figure out what was going on until he gently glided his finger over one of my scars.

I jumped away from him and he looked down at me completely lost.

"Where did you get that from?"

"What you've never seen a scar before? I'm positive I've given you plenty," I said hoping he would just let it go.

He gave me a small smile that didn't reach his eyes before saying, "That is true, my tooth will never be the same." Then he flashed me his not so perfect smile with a chipped tooth that I gave him during training.

"But I don't have any scars like that, S. Now tell me who gave it to you so I can kill him," he threatened.

"Whoa there big boy I can take care of myself. I don't need you to do me any favors, Herondale," I snapped. We stared at each other and I could feel my face soften at the uncertainty in his gaze.

"Well that atmosphere changed quickly. I wouldn't suppose you'd like to take a walk at least? We don't have to dance," Jonathan reluctantly said.

"Okay, but can you please finish zipping me up? I still can't reach it, and I don't want to walk around wondering if my dress has fallen off yet even though I'm sure that would make you happy."

"Oh right, sure," He said while quickly bringing the zipper up without a second glance at my back.

_**I'm wonderstruck blushing all the way home. **_

_**-The Circle-**_

_**Regrets collect like old friends **_

_**Here to relive your darkest moments**_

**7 Years Before**

I opened my eyes and I realized that's all I was able to move. I could not lift my arms at all, but they were strapped down anyway. My feet wouldn't move either, but I assumed they were tied up as well. I realized that this was one of my runes and that the people who took me must have my book as well. Unless they knew the rune from somewhere else, maybe I _wasn't_ the only one who was special.

But my gift would be the only thing they'd want from me; it's the only thing about me that's worth stealing for. If they were stealing me for leverage against my father then I was going to be saved soon. If they had stolen my father as well then there was no telling how long I would be here. I hoped not long because not moving my head was annoying me, not that I really had any other options.

Also I was very aware of the fact that I hadn't changed my clothes or bathed in several days and I smelled really bad. I cannot believe they came in here and strapped me to this chair not caring about how I smelled.

_**I can see no way, I can see no way **_

_**And all of the ghouls come out to play**_

All of the sudden I could hear laughing and it was close; too close for comfort. I quickly closed my eyes in hope that they would leave me alone a little longer and maybe I could wait until the rune wears off to "wake up".

Somehow they knew I was awake when I heard, "Well it looks like sleeping beauty is finally awake. It has been days since I've seen your pretty little green eyes and I sure miss them. Please open your eyes _little girl_ and I won't hurt you," a voice I didn't known threatened me. He can't hurt me while I'm wearing this rune. He must not know what this rune really is.

The rune I had created was, as my father explained it anyways, a kind of anesthesia for Shadowhunters except we were awake while it was intact. It's almost like a relaxer for our bodies. My father said it was one of the most significant runes I have ever created. So I felt extremely as ease until I felt the blood oozing down my neck. I couldn't feel the pain, but the blood was definitely coming out and it wasn't a small amount either. I opened my eyes in anguish even though I couldn't feel the pain. I could just feel the loss of the blood and that was enough for me to be scared.

"Well there are those pretty little emeralds. Do you know how hard it was to think of what the perfect rune would be to draw on you? It took us hours to think of it. I mean there were so many to choose from in this little book of yours. I must say I like the one we chose. The _numbing_ rune. You should really learn to not write every single detail in this book. It makes it so easy for us to steal–" he was interrupted when he door swung open, but the figure never stepped into the door or spoke.

"What do you want? I was sort of in the middle of something," he looked confused for a minute before his gazed focused and he gulped. "Err, okay I'll be out in a minute."

His attention turned back to me and in his hands was a stele. One has never been used on me before, but I guess that's not true anymore considering my predicament. My father said I wasn't allowed to use a stele because my gift was too powerful for me yet. A million scenarios went through my head as I thought about the power of the stele; such great power in something so small. My father would disagree with me, but I think a stele is more powerful than any blade.

"Well your notes say the rune will last for a day at least, but I don't completely trust you so I'll be back in a few hours. Don't do anything stupid Morgenstern, or it won't be me who will be punishing you," he said lightly even though I knew the threat wasn't a light one. Something was going on here and he wasn't the guy in charge.

"I'll just leave this by the door in case someone else needs to change the runes. I've been specifically instructed to only let you be marked with this stele, a weird request if you ask me."

I certainly don't mind talking to you Seraphina, especially since you can't answer unlike my annoying wife who can't seem to shut up. Now I'm gonna go now, but I'll see you a little later hopefully. Oh who am I kidding, you'll still be sitting right there like a duck," he was starting to aggravate me. I was starting to get really angry at the situation around me. By the time the door had closed I felt like I was going to explode. That's precisely when I felt my fingertips move.

The process of losing the numbness was slow. It was so slow it was painful. I asked the angel Raziel what I had done to deserve this countless times before the numbing stopped and the pain hit me. It was like a hurricane hit me and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from screaming. I tasted the blood in my mouth and I knew I was in trouble.

I tried to lift my arms only to be reminded of the fact that I was tied to the chair. If I had any hope of getting to that stele I needed to get out of this chair. I turned my face to the side and spit out some of the blood from my mouth. The ties seemed to just be simple knots so I dragged my head down to the material holding my right hand down and tried to get it off. I was able to stretch the fabric enough for my small hand to get out of. I used my dominant hand to free my left hand and feet. Before long I was completely free of any restrictions.

I stood up and quickly fell because my legs couldn't hold me. I ended up dragging myself as quietly as possible across the dirt floor. The man had left the stele propped up against the door and I checked to see if there were and sensors or traps before picking the stele up and inspecting it. I thought of drawing a simple _iratze_ rune but then I envisioned a pair of intertwining lines behind my eyelids and I knew that I needed to draw it instead.

I turned my left wrist around and took the stele to right above the vein and started to draw. As soon as the rune was finished I looked at it and felt it start to work immediately. The cut inside my mouth was gone and the bleeding from my neck had ceased, even the pounding in my head from earlier was gone.

If I ever make it out of here I'll call that rune my _special_ rune, because I don't think a rune as important as that one should have a silly name. I thought about my rune book and the only one I could really think about was to _cleanse_ and that's exactly what I drew.

Burning runes on your skin was nothing like I expected it to be. My father always explained it as a sort of burning feel, but all I felt was a small hiss of pain and then it was over in a flash. That could be because of my gift I presume.

That rune took some time to take effect, but I did feel less disgusting than before. I quickly looked around the room and was overcome with the sight of blood, _my blood_.

Ugh I have to get out of here and soon. I get into a crouch position next to the door and listen for a few minutes. When I don't hear anything I bring the stele next to the door handle and draw an _open_ rune. I hear it unlock and I wait another minute just to check if anyone else had heard and come to check.

Standing up was easier then I thought it would be. The rune definitely did its job.

Walking outside of the room I found that I was in some sort of cellar. I pulled the door closed and locked it with my own locking rune that they would have to really search in my book for. From the lack of light in my prison I assumed it was around dusk when I had picked up the stele. It was hard to maneuver around the cellar, but I found a set of stairs and I put my foot up the first step to test if it would creak or not and to my relief it didn't. I walked up the stairs and when I reached the top door I was overcome with the smell of incense.

_What is going on?_

Music was playing as well but it wasn't normal piano music, it was as if it was meant to mesmerize you. I quickly turned around and went back down the way I had come and turned the other direction.

I thought of a rune that could get me out of this situation, but I came up short. The only one I could think of was _hidden_ and I wanted to use that as a last resort. I found a door and I stopped in front of it, but I heard an unfamiliar grunt and I kept walking.

The next door I stopped at sounded empty so I tried the door and it was locked. I drew the _opening_ rune and I was in. Though I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

_**And every demon wants his pound of flesh**_

_**But I like to keep some things to myself**_

_**I like to keep my issues drawn **_

_**It's always darkest before the dawn**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter was so hard to write. Try to be optimistic about it and leave me a review please :) **

**1 Month Before**

"It's really beautiful out here at night," Jonathan exclaimed. I turned towards him and I looked at him in the moonlight. His hair was shining gold and he looked handsome. But I wasn't just looking at his appearance; I was also looking to see if he was being sincere. His eyes were bright with excitement and I grinned at him in response because it was in fact a gorgeous night to be in the garden.

I looked back to the sky and took a deep breath. There was a breeze to coincide with the summer heat. It was a perfect night and if it wasn't for the ball I would have been in the exact same position, only difference being that I wouldn't be wearing this getup. Nor would I be standing here with Jonathan. Never, even after killing a greater demon in the heart of Alicante, would I believe I would be out here admiring the night sky with Jonathan Herondale.

Before I realized what was happening, Jonathan was searching for my hand and he had clasped it with his own.

"Back home I learned that the amount of pressure when holding hands could decipher a whole relationship. If you hold the other person's hand too loose than your relationship isn't very important to you. If you hold it too tight then you're suffocating the other person. It takes a certain amount of patience and love to hold it exactly right. Some people spend their whole lives trying to find the perfect hand to hold," Jonathan spoke so softly it was almost a whisper. It seemed like he felt if he talked louder, he would be disrupting the peace of the night around them.

Jonathan turned my hand so that the back was facing him. He seemed to be studying it even without light. It was almost as if Jonathan was searching for something invisible to me.

After a few minutes his eyes found mine and we stared at each other for a few seconds. I couldn't decide what he was feeling besides confusion and anger. He was extremely hard to read tonight. I never have to concentrate to read him, but tonight it takes a great deal of willpower to do it.

"Please Seraphina. Tell me who hurt you. Was it that Bane guy you're so close to? That Verlac kid?! Phina tell me or so help me Raziel, I'll ki—" my laughter interrupted his speech. Though my laughter was not because I was amused. I flinched my hand away from his and looked up at him with so much cold rage in my gaze as I remembered.

"You're so naive Jonathan. Do you really want to know who gave me my scars? You don't have to look very far. You've known all along Jonathan. You've just never put two and two together. You're an idiotic individual and I wish to never lay eyes on you again. Goodnight Mr. Herondale," I spoke, and I tried to stay calm, as I turned away from him and walked back to my room.

I made it to my door when I realized what I had been missing. What emotion I couldn't place in his gaze. He was _guilty_. He felt guilty. The little son of a bitch felt guilty for my marks. Why would he be guilty for my upbringing?! He had no part in it_**. **_He has no idea what my life was like as a child.

Before I knew it, I was running back to him. I was so mad I could see red clouding my vision.

He was right where I left him. Staring up at the sky like an idiot.

"You have some nerve you know."

"Excuse me?" Jonathan turned around to face me, clearly bored.

"You have no right to feel guilty for the scars of my past. You had no part in it, so you are _not_ allowed to feel guilty for it, understood?"

"Phina, I don't know what you're talking about. I thought you said never to lay eyes on you again, or something like that...?"

"Just stay away okay? I don't need you to protect me. As you could tell, it's over now. It hasn't happened in a long time and it won't ever happen again, so just stop pretending to care about me," I stated while finally exhaling the last of my anger and walking back towards my room.

He grabbed my arm preventing me from taking another step. "I'm not pretending to care. I've practically grown up with you, so how could I not care? I'm not the robot you pretend to be. Seraphina, don't you see? Just because it was a long time ago doesn't mean it didn't matter. It should have never happened, but you know that. You have to know that you didn't deserve it, no matter what you did. You didn't deserve to be beaten."

"He's never touched you has he?"

"No."

"Then you can shove your opinion up your ass," I sneered at him.

"Tsk tsk. You shouldn't curse when wearing a dress like that. Your behavior doesn't suit your appearance. If you don't mind me asking, why did you have your father plan this get-together? I doubt he would have planned this on his own. Though I suppose if he were desperate enough..."

He dragged his sentence out when he heard me gasp. It took barely a second for me to compose myself again. I glared at him until he finally realized what he had said and I replied.

"Well of course he's desperate. Valentine has only ever cared about his precious Circle. Since I'm his only heir he has to rely on little ol me to carry on the Morgenstern clan. I can't do that without a husband so he would have planned a parade if it guaranteed a fiancée for me. It's pathetic really, but you can see that. You see everything, but you don't really get it. You don't see the bigger picture Jonathan, and that's why you are _weak._"

"I am not weak. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. If I were weak I would be inside with those imbeciles begging at your father's feet to have your hand in marriage. To be honest I pray for the man that actually does marry you. May the Angel be with him forever. S, you're way too much for one man to handle," Jonathan started to turn towards the path leading to the front of the manor.

"I think you're forgetting the part where I do not need a man to take of me. I can take care of myself. I've been doing it all my life," I retorted while following him.

"You shouldn't have to be alone in the world Seraphina. No one should have to be alone. I have my parabatai and my family. You have no one and you enjoy it. You enjoy being alone and that's not okay. You just don't get it. You need to be open to other people if you want your father to lay off," Jonathan seemed to be trying to convince not only me but also himself.

"What, are _you_ offering to teach me?"

"No...I—"Jonathan turned around and started pacing beside me. "What if we had some sort of deal."

"A deal? What kind of deal?"

"I'll be your temporary fiancée, if you'll be mine," he stopped pacing to look at me.

"Wait a minute. Weren't you just saying you were praying for the man who married me?"

"Well yes, but we aren't _actually_ going to get married. We will just announce it to everyone and then break up a month or so before the wedding."

"What would you even be gaining from this arrangement?"

"Oh love, you know the answer to that one. I want the power your father will give me. I want to be the next leader of the Circle. If we were to be engaged, your father would offer it to me like I was his son, and that's what my whole family has been looking forward to. My father died trying to be the successor of the Circle, and now I have that chance."

"But how will we convince Valentine that we need a long engagement. I'm afraid if we announce our engagement then he will want us to immediately go through with it. I have no intention to become Mrs. Herondale, Jonathan."

"Well that's not precisely true. If I were to become the leader of the Circle I would have to be a Morgenstern. I would be taking your name sweets. So you would be Mrs. Morgenstern."

"Right, well we should get this over with because I would like to go to bed soon," and just to prove my point I yawned.

"Lead the way soon to be fiancée," he was teasing me.

"Ew. Gross. Don't say that when we're alone. I will hurt you."

"Oh I don't doubt that, wifey."

"Okay that's worse, definitely worse."

Jonathan's laughter cut through the quiet of the night as we made our way inside to deliver the news to my father. The news of my engagement.

I'm engaged. Not really engaged but engaged just the same.

What the hell am I doing?

This better be worth it.

_**I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you**_

**-**_**The Circle**_**-**

**7 Years Before**

_**And I've been a fool and I've been blind **_

_**I can never leave the past behind**_

_**I can see no way, I can see no way**_

_**I'm always dragging that horse around**_

I was caught in my father's gaze before I could even take a breath. I dropped the stele while our eyes locked but we didn't say a word. I had so many questions for him, but his never-ending stare kept me from opening my mouth.

My curiosity got the better of me and I just had to ask, "Father what is going on?"

He didn't answer me, but he kept staring. I was starting to get even more confused than before. This whole situation was so aggravating and confusing. None of this made any sense. The man I saw early wasn't familiar, so what did my father have to do with these men?

"Seraphina you are not to speak unless spoken to, you know this. Now why do you defy me, child? Have I not been strict enough with you? What must I _do_ to make you behave accordingly?!" my father yelled at me. He had never yelled at me before. Not even raised his voice. I used to think his insanely calm voice was scary but this was worse.

_**Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound **_

_**Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground**_

_**So I like to keep my issues drawn **_

_**But it's always darkest before the dawn**_

"Father, I'm sorr –" I heard rather than felt the smack that took place across my face. Tears threatened in my eyes, but what would I happen if I let them fall? I looked up at him again and I kept my mouth shut. I'm sure my eyes gave me away, but I was too stubborn to lift my gaze away from his. I wanted him to know that I would not be scared away. I'm his greatest warrior and that is what I will be. I will not cry over a little slap. That was nothing.

"I have been severe in punishment before what makes you think I can't be worse? I brought you here to teach you a lesson. You weren't supposed to get out of your cell. Now how did you get out? Who let you out?"

"No one."

"Don't lie to me, Seraphina."

"I'm not lying to you father. I got out on my own."

_Smack._

_**Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa**_

_**Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa**_

I almost growled at my father in frustration. He was being so unreasonable.

"Now tell me, Seraphina. Who let you out?"

What kind of person would it make me to lie now? Shadowhunters are supposed to be truthful; I have always been truthful. Looking at my father now I can see the anger in his eyes. There is no way that the truth can help me now. If I don't give him what he wants then he'll hurt me. He'll hurt me until I finally give him what he wants.

If lying it what he wants, then I'll give him exactly what he wants.

"It was the man who put me there. He was threatening me so I told him I could give him freedom from you. I didn't know what you had over him, but you must have had something because he let me go easily."

My father studied me for a moment before slightly nodding his head. It was almost if he was judging my lie.

"Interesting Seraphina, very interesting. Come with me," My father stood from his chair and made his way to the door behind me.

"Ravenscar!" My father yelled throughout the cellar. The man that had spoken to me in my cell less than twenty minutes ago appeared at the end of the hallway. As soon as he saw me he slowed his fast pace.

When the man reached my father, my father grabbed his collar and took control of him.

"What is the meaning of this, Ravenscar? What did I say?! I told you to keep her contained! Does this look _**contained**_ to you?" my father screamed in rage as he pointed at me. Ravenscar looked at me with sad eyes and I could see him planning his next move. Just like that all the color drained from his face. "No it doesn't sir."

"Do you know what happens to men who defy me? They pay for their crimes my way," my father let go of the scared man and he dropped to his knees in front of my father.

He stayed there, for hours it seemed, just waiting for my father to punish him. It was unnerving for me because I had put him there. The blame was fully on me and this wasn't right. I took a step towards the man with my hand extending.

"Seraphina step away. You made a deal with this man now he is paying for that deal."

Ravenscar's head snapped up at the mention of a deal. Only then did he glare at me. Only then did he begin to blame me for his predicament. I shouldn't have said that we made a deal. I should have just said he let me out. Then he wouldn't be blaming me for this.

_But I deserve this. I'm the one who deserves this punishment. Not the man who did _nothing_ to me. _

My father already had his hands on his belt. He was taking it off and inspecting it. Inspecting it to see if it would do the damage he wanted it to do. He had never whipped me before.

_This isn't right_ said the voice inside my head. _That should be you_.

_**And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back**_

_**So shake him off, oh whoa**_

I did the only thing I thought I could do. I walked over to Ravenscar who was trembling from the first whip mark. It tore his shirt where the blood appeared. He didn't look good. He wasn't being strong. He wouldn't make it through this if he wasn't strong.

I would have to be strong for the both of us.

I laid on top of him and covered his mouth so that he wouldn't cry out from me applying pressure to his wound.

"What are you doing Seraphina? This man deserves his punishment," my father spoke softly to me. He was offering me exactly what I wanted, a choice.

"Punish me instead. I knew the risks when he let me go. I deserve this, not him," my voice was trembling, but he didn't seem to care. Ravenscar relaxed beneath me and I knew this was the right thing to do.

"Very well Seraphina," my father said almost sadly.

I screamed from the pain as the belt met my back for the first time. My father didn't stop though, and continued to bring the belt to my back. I felt my skin tearing open and the tears were coming from my eyes unwillingly. I pushed Ravenscar away from me because I could feel the wetting from my pants from the fear. He grabbed my hand to help me, but it didn't help me. I growled at him but he didn't let go. I squeezed his hand so hard I left bleeding nail marks, but he didn't even flinch. He just took my pain as I took his.

What have I done to deserve this?

My father hadn't stopped whipping me and after the first twenty I lost count. All I felt was remorse and scorching pain. Then the numbness happened and I was grateful for it. I was on the verge of unconsciousness when my father stopped. Then the true pain took place and I screamed so loud I'm surprised my father didn't beat me again. I bit my lip and it started bleeding from my teeth automatically. I was falling apart and I couldn't do anything to stop it. My back felt completely bare without skin. My shirt had fallen off sometime during my beating and there was blood all over it.

I looked up at my father and he looked disappointed in me. Like I had personally disobeyed him by reacting the way I did. I do agree that if I were older, I would have reacted differently. Right now I couldn't focus on that because all I wanted to do was kill my father. This man in front of me could care less if I was bleeding because of wounds _he_ created. He could care less if I was his daughter. I was his warrior and he couldn't care less about what happened to me.

I discovered this at the same moment my father grabbed Ravenscar by his shirt and dragged him to his feet. My father reached to his pants and lifted his sword. I was so sure he would let him go. I was so _sure._

"_**NO!**_" I screamed at my father and tried to stand up, but I fell back down to the stone floor. The pain came again and I gasped loudly.

"You let a little girl take a whipping for you?! That is no warrior. Shadowhunters are supposed to be warriors, Andrew. I expected so much better from my next of kin. You are permanently dismissed," my father spoke and Ravenscar looked at me as my father raised the sword and cut his throat.

_The last thing Andrew Ravenscar had been feeling before he was murdered was love for the little girl whom had taken such a brutal beating from a man who was her blood. She had been so strong as she lay there. He had never seen such true bravery before in his entire life, but he saw it in her. _

As Andrew bled out my father left the room. I forced my body to be dragged towards him. When I made it to him, he had no pulse but his eyes were still open. I pulled my tired arm to his face and closed his eyes carefully. I then pulled my face to his ear and whispered the farewell he deserved.

"Ave Atque Vale, Andrew Ravenscar. May the Angel Raziel bless you for your lifetime's worth of gratitude."

"Let this be a lesson to you, daughter. Do not disobey my direct orders or I will give you worse pain than I gave you tonight. We are Morgensterns. We do not pick up the slack for other Nephilim. We are warriors. We must obey the only rule warriors believe in: _kill or be killed_," my father handed me the stele I had in dropped by the door in my lap before walking towards the door. "Happy birthday Seraphina, you know how to use that so use it wisely."

Decorated with beautiful emeralds, such a thoughtful gift from the most disgusting monster to ever walk the earth. I drew the rune I remembered from the cell. The one that kept flashing in my thoughts. Such a simple rune that worked almost instantly; relieving my pain completely. I could practically feel the skin on my back healing.

I turned back to the man I had helped kill and the guilt came pouring through me like a wave. That should be me. I should be the one dead. I wish I were dead. This was no life to live.

I thought for hours until I felt the sun on my skin from an opening in the corner of the room. I could hear the birds chirping and I took a deep breath. I thought of my mother and what she must have gone through married to the man I considered my father only yesterday.

I did the one thing I knew she would have wanted me to do.

I stood up.

_**And I am done with my graceless heart **_

_**So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart **_

_**'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn **_

_**It's always darkest before the dawn**_


	9. Chapter 9

**6 Years Before**

Ever since I was kidnapped my father had kept a close eye on me. Always watching over my training making sure that I was being the best fighter possible. Little did he know that was exactly what I planned on being. I was going to train and train and train until I was better than him, until I could kill him. I was doing this for my family and Andrew. I was going to be everything he wanted me to be and use it against him.

I was walking towards the shed after training for the first time since that night. Since the first time I had ever been in here. It was exactly the same. The herbs were all taken care of and nothing was out of place. Everything looked exactly as I left it, as _she_ left it.

I opened the drawer to look for the thing that I fought my life for, just so that I could continue to read it. Just so I would know about my mother and her war with my father. I thought about everything he had taken from me and I felt a sob rising up in my throat but I gulped it down not wanting to disrupt the peaceful room.

The journal was just as I left it and I continued where I left off.

_**June 17, 1991**_

_Hello Baby,_

_I saw my friend again today. Ragnor had so much to say about you and my big round belly. He says that you're a little girl and you have no idea how happy that makes me sweetheart. Thinking about what our life could have been like without Valentine. It is important that he never sees what I am about to tell you. _

_Something tells me I won't be around when you grow up. Your father has been so distant since Jonathan that I don't know what he's thinking or feeling. Luke told me that I should rest for the baby, but I don't want Valentine anywhere near you. I wish I could take back everything. I wish I could have married someone else, but sweetheart I was young and naive. I wish I could have married someone like my parabatai Luke. I hope you will be able to meet him. He could tell you everything that I haven't. I wish I could tell you everything, but baby I'm on a time limit. It's dangerous for me to even be here now. _

_Here is the story of your brother, the whole complete truth. _

_When I found out I was pregnant I was so very happy. I was so in love with your father and it all seems like such a fairytale now. Love makes you do crazy things. That is probably something your father would say too. The things he has done to me and our family are unforgivable. He loved your brother so much that he destroyed him. He also destroyed all the love I had for him in the process. _

_I was pregnant and I was having dreams that were so vivid I would wake up and think I was dreaming. My realities were mixing up and I was confused. Your father seemed to see this as a cry for help. He made me a special smoothie that would supposedly help me sleep better. I fell asleep quickly after I drank it, but I had nightmares that would wake me and keep me up for days. He kept feeding me the smoothies saying they would help with the nightmares as well. I never saw that it was the smoothie that was giving me the nightmares. I never even questioned it. It was too late when I finally saw Ragnor and asked him about. It was really too late when I confronted Valentine about it. By then Jonathan was already born and it is my fault I didn't see it. I didn't see what was happening to my own baby. _

_Jonathan was a different baby. He had white blond hair that was from your father and eyes like the pit of a black hole. So black they frightened me when I first saw him open his eyes. After I gave birth I went into a depression that took me months to get out of. It was Luke who finally made me wake up. My best friend could always make me smile no matter what was going on with me. He helped me see that the true monster was not my baby but Valentine. Valentine was a monster, but so was I. I allowed him to do this to my baby. This is as much his fault as mine. _

_Jonathan was six months old when I finally started to care for him like a true mother would. I cared for him without looking into his eyes because I was a true coward. I didn't know how I could raise him, but I did my best. Jonathan was barely a one year old when I found out I was pregnant with you. _

_I thought about running away and hiding you forever. I thought about leaving everything behind and giving everything I had to raise you. In the end I couldn't leave Jonathan. I prayed to the angel that something would kill Valentine in one of his raids with the Circle, but after three months of hiding you, a bump was starting to show. I was hormonal anyway, crying all the time. It is surprising that he never noticed before the bump showed. When I finally told him he rejoiced as if he had killed a Greater demon. He wasn't even this happy when he found out I was pregnant with Jonathan. _

_Thinking about it now it seems like you were his second chance. _

_A week after he found out I was pregnant he sent me on an errand in Alicante. He was going to London to see his parabatai and Jonathan was to spend the day with the Waylands who also had a son named Jonathan. They had played together before and I saw nothing wrong with this. I left the manor, but really I came out here to my shed to get one of my daggers. I heard a bloodcurdling scream and I started running. Like hell was chasing me, I ran._

_It took me minutes to get to the river, but I saw what I needed to see. Valentine was holding my son by his neck underneath the water. My baby wasn't struggling and I knew it was too late. _

"_Ave atque vale, my son." Then your father started to cry. I turned around and went back to my shed as quickly as possible, because I would have attacked him if I had stayed for another minute. I couldn't risk anything happening to you. When inside my sanctuary I drew the soundless ruin over my mouth and I screamed. I cried and I shook with terror at what I had just seen. It seemed like I had been on the ground forever when I smelled smoke. It wasn't enough smoke to be from anywhere near the manor, but I knew something was wrong. _

_I followed the scent to the main path in front of the house. A cloud of smoke appeared miles in the distance. _

_I blame you for even being able to smell it. I assume it was because of my pregnancy that I was even able to. _

_I realized that it was in the direction of Alicante and I took one of our horses and started on my journey. I rode faster that I should have and arrived to the burning of the Wayland manor soon. No one was around, but that didn't mean no one was injured. I heard a horse neighing in the distance and knew that I wouldn't be alone here. I walked around the house looking for any signs of life. _

_The fire was still alive so I couldn't go inside the manor. I couldn't hear anyone even after I screamed Michael and Jonathan's names. The carriage being drawn by the horse I heard approached me. I knew that carriage. It was my carriage. Valentine climbed out of the back and came to me. _

"_What are you doing here Jocelyn? I thought I asked you to travel to Alicante for that errand?"_

"_Are you serious?! Michaels in there! What about Jonathan?! WHAT ABOUT OUR SON, WHAT DID YOU DO TO OUR SON?!" I screamed at him. The stress and smoke was making me lose consciousness fast. I barely caught my breath before I fell to the ground at my husband's feet. _

_I awoke hours later in my bed, but your father was nowhere to be found. It was nightfall and my witchlight was the only light in the room. I looked down at my arm and there was an unfamiliar rune placed under my clairvoyance rune. _

_I understand it now as a sort of forgetfulness rune. Valentine burned it into my skin thinking I would forget everything I saw, but I didn't. I still remember everything. I have you to thank for that darling. I have you to thank for everything. _

_I had always thought life was full of choices. Bad choices and good choices, there's never really any in-between, but there is. You are my in-between choice. My precious little girl you are my bad and good choice. The best choice I ever made was to keep you. The worst thing I ever chose was to keep you. I'm not going to survive this, but you will. He will need you. You will be his greatest weapon if his plans go accordingly. You need to get out of there. You need to escape the life I left you with. This was never the life you were supposed to have. You and me were supposed to leave here and you grow up in a world free of death and sacrifice._

_I have to go now, but I'll come back to write more when I can. I'm so big now. You're due in only a few short months. I can't wait to see your beautiful face. _

_Just promise me you'll escape. _

_**-Jocelyn Morgenstern**_

Yes mother, but _how?_

**Authors note: **

**Please review, I repeat PLEASE REVIEW. I find it really sad that I only have 7 reviews total, even though I love all of those people that did review because you are lovely especially cheyowl because your review was probably the nicest of them all even though I have no idea if it was good or bad :). **


	10. Chapter 10

**Greygirl2358/Guest: No he will not be making an appearance in this story. In my mind I always picture him as the victim so in my story I decided that he was the victim. Seraphina looks up to her brother and mother whenever she does something. She's always subconsciously thinking, **_**what would my mother do? Would my brother have done that?**_** And about the whole Jonathan 'love' thing, I'm not sure yet I'm still working through the kinks of this story and currently writing it. Would you want them to be?**

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed! It all meant a lot to me3**

**6 Years Before**

_**I'm bleeding out **_

_**So if the last thing that I do **_

_**Is bring you down **_

_**I'll bleed out for you **_

_**So I bare my skin **_

_**And I count my sins **_

_**And I close my eyes **_

_**And I take it in **_

_**I'm bleeding out**_

_**I'm bleeding out for you, for you.**_

_June 19, 1991_

_My time is running out quicker than I thought possible. Everyone around me has stopped talking to me. All of my friends have stopped interacting with me altogether. Your father tried to banish me from coming to the Circle meeting, but I wanted to check on Celiné because she had just borne a child. She was such a dear friend to me. We always got along better than the other women of the Circle. Maryse and Jia never really liked me. They were nice enough, but I could see through them. They hated me. Not one person talked to me during the whole three hours. They didn't think I deserved Valentine. The whole Circle seemed to be in love with him, more than I ever could be. _

_ I'm sorry, that's not right. I should tell you how much I loved your father, because I did. But sometimes darling, love just isn't enough. I was so disgustingly in love with a man I didn't even know. I thought I knew him completely but it's impossible to see someone's true intentions. If you're with someone for fifty years it is still impossible to know him or her completely. The one's that end up together in the end both completely sane are the lucky ones. This life is much harder than I thought it would be. It used to be so easy and now it seems to be impossible. _

_ Luke is coming over later to help me write to you baby. He has been so helpful lately I feel like I owe him much for everything he has done. Things he will continue to do for you. When I first found out I was pregnant with you I told Luke first. He was the one who had held me while I cried and rubbed my back so tenderly. He guided me through the plans over and over again until I was able to partake in them. He was the only reason I made it through and will make it through. _

_I left a box of weapons in the crawlspace underneath this desk. If there is ever a threat that you need to hide from that is where you should go. This whole shed is full of things that will help you through your journey. Luke will make sure you have everything that will help you. He will protect you from all the evil things in this life. He promised me and I promised him I would try everything I could. I'm trying, but it's getting harder and harder. Your father is getting scarier and distant. He comes home and screams at me for nothing, and I'm afraid of what is to come closer to your arrival. _

_Only time will tell._

_-__**Jocelyn Morgenstern**_

_**When the day has come **_

_**That I've lost my way around **_

_**And the seasons stop and hide beneath the ground **_

_**When the sky turns gray **_

_**And everything is screaming**_

_**I will reach inside**_

_**Just to find my heart is beating**_

I turned the page gingerly as I thought about what my mother had written. It was clearly obvious of their love for each other. A sudden wave of nausea came over me as I thought about my father and what he would've done to them if he found out. But I was still here so he must have never known. He must have been as blind as my mother was.

I looked at the next entry and there were watermarks scattered all over the pages. They were tear marks and I realized how hard it must have been for my mother to write it. It must have taken her hours before she finished it.

_June 30, 1991_

_Something horrible has happened. I'm afraid my time may be coming so soon that I will never be able to see your darling face. Your father killed my closest friend just last week. He killed my best friend. He killed everything I had left in the world. _

_It should have been him. I should have married him. He was always there; I just never saw him. I was so stupid. I _am_ so stupid. He should have been the one I had children with. Our children would have been the happiest and well cared for children in the whole wide world. _

_ He loved you too daughter; he loved you so much. Whenever I saw him he would lay his hand on my belly and laugh. You would jump around at the touch and his voice. You loved him. _

_He loved you more than your father ever could. _

_ My best friend and parabatai, Luke would've given anything just to see your face. He has listened to me complaining for the past months about Valentine and how scared I am for you. He promised to always protect you if I am gone, but now he can't. I don't know what is to come, but all I know is that I'm scared. I'm scared and now I'm all alone. I loved him. I loved him and now he'll never know. All I have left of him is my faded binding rune. _

_ Luke's sister Amatis came to me today. She left the Circle two years ago after divorcing Stephen Herondale because of their different beliefs. Amatis didn't agree with the Circle and it was all Stephen seemed to care about. Amatis decided to leave the Nephilim because it was too hard for her to see the Herondales after her divorce. Stephen loved her more than his own life and he let her go because Valentine advised him to do so. He married Celiné and they have a baby boy named Jonathan named after our son who died shortly before his birth. Valentine was thrilled with the honor Stephen gave him. It made me sick. I couldn't be in the same room with the child without wanting to crawl into a ball and cry for the death of my son. I still mourned in quiet. I mourned with Luke who understood my love for the child. But now I'm mourning for everything. _

_ Amatis came to me in the dead of night to talk about Luke. She wanted me to know that he always loved me. He would have been there for me for anything and everything. He was determined to be my parabatai even if it meant he couldn't touch me or love me the way he wanted. He saw how happy I was with Valentine when we were teenagers and decided it was better to be soul siblings than demand my hand. What I wouldn't do to slap that boy with some sense right about now. She told me stories of Luke's jealousy that I had never noticed before. _

_She told me of a time at one of the annual balls in the Accords Hall that Valentine had asked me to dance at exactly the same moment Luke was about to. He was so unlucky with his timing. Just a few seconds faster and it would have been him whom I kissed. He was always there for me. I loved him. I loved him more then you are ever supposed to love your parabatai. I waited until it was too late to realize it. You never truly know what you have until it's gone. _

_ Child, if I could relive my life I would have stopped all of this from happening. I would have stopped Valentine, but I'm afraid it's too late for me. My life was like a dream and I just woke up. Luke's death woke me up. I don't want to live in a world where he doesn't exist. I waited too long to come out of my dream. I will do what I need to do for you, but I'm afraid I can't help you anymore. You are going to have to find all the answers yourself. I know you must feel so much anger towards me, but child I simply cannot go on without him here with me. I cannot live this lie anymore. _

_ I'm so sorry. You can find the answers in the room around you. Good luck daughter of mine. _

_-__**Jocelyn Morgenstern**_

_**Oh, you tell me to hold on**_

The fourth and final entry from the journal was dated the day before my birthday. I couldn't believe I was reading the last of it. I was sure I would be reading all of the answers. I was counting on it. I was sadly disappointed and completely confused.

_**Oh, you tell me to hold on**_

_**But innocence is gone**_

_**And what was right is wrong**_

'_**Cause I'm bleeding out**_

_**So if the last thing that I do**_

_**Is to bring you down**_

_**I'll bleed out for you**_

_**So I bare my skin**_

_**And I count my sins **_

_**And I close my eyes **_

_**And I take it in **_

_**And I'm bleeding out **_

_**I'm bleeding out for you (for you)**_

_August 17, 1991_

_Seraphina, _

_Your father and I picked that name out for you. I wouldn't have picked it myself, but he let me choose your middle name. Seraphina Adele Morgenstern I hope you are everything I pray you will be. _

_You are my last hope._

_You are my __only__ hope._

_-__**Mom**_

As I finished reading the last of my mother's words the door crashed open and an unfamiliar man stepped through the threshold. He was dressed in weird unfamiliar clothes that screamed _mundane_ to me. He looked incredibly shiny and completely unsurprised at the fact that we were in the middle of the forest in a shed that no one could see. I looked at his eyes and I was mildly shocked to see that they were the eyes of a cat.

_Warlock_.

"Hello warlock, how can I help you today or are you just here to sell me something?" I questioned him intently.

"Hello child of the Nephilim, I must say that your mother never warned me of you having a mouth on you."

"Well seeing as you've never met me and neither has she, there would be no detailed description of me. Now how did you know my mother?"

"I only knew her briefly. She was closer to one of my friends, Ragnor Fell. He knew everything about your mother and you. I know she left you with a rather impossible task, but we're here to help see it through. Ragnor knows everything you want to know. Your mother made sure that he would be able to tell you the things she couldn't."

"Okay. One question: Where do you have any part in this? Because it seems to me that all you are is a cheerleader with no true purpose."

"You are quite the pessimistic, Sera…I like it. It's refreshing," Magnus said grinning at me, but his eyes were glaring at me.

"So what is your name since you so kindly have already starting picking nicknames for me."

"I'm Magnus Bane," he answered. Oh the many names I could call him. Magny, Banes, Maggie, or even _Mags_.

"Alright. Well then _Mags,_ make yourself useful and lead the way to Mr. Fell. You may do some cheering if it suits you."

"Oh you're a feisty one. I like you. However the nickname you chose is rather distasteful. Isn't there perhaps a better one, how about Maggie?"

"Nope Mags is perfect," I said as a giggled through the doorway of the shed as I made my way to follow the mysterious warlock. I took a peek back at the inside of the shed. It was full of oh so many secrets that I had only just begun to discover. _Mother, I hope I am the daughter you would have wanted._

"You coming, Ginge?" Magnus called back from somewhere in the trees.

"Ugh yes, I'm right behind you," I softly yelled and ran in the direction of his voice.

_**-**__**The Circle**__**-**_

It didn't take more then an hour until we had walked onto the pathway of a large clearing. There were two low hills and they were standing in-between the valley of the hills. The valley was enclosed with trees that seemed to be _salix alba_, but the trees could have been a number of different species. As we walked through the path I noticed there was nothing in the clearing that could be considered anything let alone a house.

"Magnus, there's nothing here."

"Sera, you have to concentrate."

"I grew up in a glamour Mags, I shouldn't _have_ to concentrate."

"Well you can't always get what you want. It's about time you learn that. Particularly if you want to carry on your mother's plans for you. Now do us both a favor and stop whining. Now _concentrate_."

Before I did as I was told, I looked behind me and admired the view. It was so gorgeous. The weeping willows made the pathway into a mysterious and creepy place that I recognized immediately. My mother's shed was full of things that she had loved. She had paintings there too. Including one painting that had the pathway and the perfect shade of willows that I was currently staring at. No painting could quite give this scenery the appreciation it deserved, but hers gave me the chills just thinking of it. She was so talented with paint I wonder if I would be good at it. The only thing I had ever drawn are my runes, but I find myself always wanting to draw everything around me.

"Earth to Ginge. You're always so out of it. I find it very annoying. Let's go, my time is precious and I don't have all day," Magnus persisted before coming and pushing me towards the clearing.

I didn't put up a fight because he didn't need to know how scared I was to meet this man. This man held all the secrets I needed. He was the key to my salvation and my mother's. I owe this man everything. What am I going to say to him?

The small cottage appeared after Magnus snapped his fingers. I think he was getting impatient with me and decided to take matters into his own hands. _Literally._ The cottage was a faded blue color and there was a stone chimney in the back corner of the small house. Magnus didn't let me waste time to enjoy the glamourless clearing before dragging me into the house.

"Ragnor! I found someone that must speak to you immediately!" Magnus yelled throughout the hallway as he leaned into each room searching for the other warlock. I was too busy examining the books around the house to pay attention to the response from the other warlock. My eyes locked on a certain bind that seemed to be in the wrong setting. It was a copy of the Gray book, but it seemed different from the one at my manor. I pulled it off of the shelf it resided on and blew off the dust. It was dated sometime in the 1800s and it was much thicker than mine, and oh so much heavier.

"Runes really are your true calling. It seems only fitting that would be the first thing you're interested in. Not the green skinned warlock standing in the room with all the answers you seek," I turned around cautiously at sound of his voice.

In the doorway was a man dressed casually with jeans and a button-down black shirt on. His skin was pale green and he had horns on his head near his hairline. I grinned at him and made my way over to him.

"I think you forgot about the horns."

"Oh I thought you would like to be pleasantly surprised."

I giggled and heard Magnus clear his throat.

"Ragnor, someone is trying to contact you. It's burning blue."

_**When the hour is nigh **_

_**And hopelessness is sinking in **_

_**And the wolves all cry**_

_**To fill the night with hollering **_

_**When your eyes are red **_

_**And emptiness is all you know **_

_**With the darkness fed**_

_**I will be your scarecrow **_

"Blue… are you sure?" before Magnus had a chance to answer; Ragnor was already making his way to a room farther into the cottage. I followed at a slow pace and glanced into the room Ragnor was in. It was a small sitting area with a fireplace. Ragnor was currently standing over the pit of the fireplace and leaning into it talking to someone. There was a couch and some armchairs and I started to walk into the room before Magnus stopped me and gave me a look that told me to stay exactly where I was.

We waited for five whole minutes before Ragnor finally stopped discussing with the burnt wood and turned towards us.

"What is it Mr. Fell?"

"Seraphina you must go home right away. Magnus will make you a portal; I have to go right away. I am needed elsewhere. You may come back anytime that suits you. I will be here."

Ragnor was making his way up the stairs before I yelled up at him, "Can you at least tell me what is going on?!"

"It's Stephen Herondale."

"…What about him?"

"He's dead."

_**You tell me to hold on**_

_**Oh you tell me to hold on **_

_**But innocence is gone **_

_**And what was right is wrong**_


End file.
